My education and personal /professional goals - PURDUE ESSAY

Describe how your Purdue education would support the attainment of your personal and/or professional goals

Since childhood I have always been fascinated by aircrafts and most of my toys were airplanes and rockets. I love the way they fly, the shape of the wings, the sound of the engine. I was excited when I traveled in an aircraft for the first time at the age of 8 years. I was fascinated by the movies like Air Force One and Top gun. I am also a big fan of the flight simulator franchise . Getting a joystick on my birthday was one of the best gift I ever received. I opted for all science subjects in my high school as my quest for studying airplanes and space crafts increased with passage of time. Gradually I always wanted to work with aircrafts and spacecrafts. Now, studying aeronautical engineering at an undergraduate and graduate level and entering into research is my professional aspiration .

In India, aeronautical engineering is still in nascent stage and most of the universities are not fully equipped to offer a full-fledged course. My dad always says if you want to have best education in your life then do it from the best university. Purdue has one of the highest rated aeronautical engineering programs in the world. My teachers and elders have always praised me for my persistence. They always say that once I set my goal I put in my best efforts to achieve it.

It is an established fact that USA is scientifically and technologically the most advanced country in the world. It cannot be denied that it is because of the scientific temper and entrepreneurship of the people. These qualities are generated because of the academic environment and spirit of excellence, which is inculcated by the American education system thus making it the best in the world. It is a known fact that Neil Armstrong was also an alumni of this institute, thus the Purdue University has a special place not only in America but also in the world. All together, Purdue has produced 22 astronauts, including Gus Grissom and Eugene Cernan. Many of its past students had the honor to serve NASA's manned space missions in various capacities. The alumni of this university have led significant advances in research and development of aerospace technology and established an amazing record for exploration of space. Being a student in such an esteem college would be a god sent opportunity. Therefore I am trying my best to get admission in Purdue University.

As I had my entire schooling from India, most of the time I was exposed to a homogenous group of students. Till date I did not had an opportunity to interact with multi-lingual, multi- ethnic, multi- cultural group. One of the most interesting aspects of the whole college experience is getting a chance to meet thousands of new people who all have their own ideas and being able to share all of my ideas with them. I am looking forward to meet people from different cultural background. With such an environment not only will I have an opportunity to meet highly intellectual people from different ethnic and cultural background but also exposed to and share different ideas and thoughts altogether.

Is it good? Please reply.

Hi, here are my comments:

It is an established fact that USA is scientifically and technologically the most advanced country in the world. It cannot be denied that it is because of the scientific temper and entrepreneurship of the people. These qualities are generated because of the academic environment and spirit of excellence, which is inculcated by the American education system thus making it the best in the world. It is a known fact that Neil Armstrong was also an alumni of this institute, thus the Purdue University has a special place not only in America but also in the world. All together, Purdue has produced 22 astronauts, including Gus Grissom and Eugene Cernan. Many of its past students had the honor to serve NASA's manned space missions in various capacities. The alumni of this university have led significant advances in research and development of aerospace technology and established an amazing record for exploration of space. Being a student in such an esteem college would be a god sent opportunity. HOW GOOD IS THIS OPPORTUNITY???Therefore I am trying my best to get admission in Purdue University.

As I had my entire schooling from India, most of the time I was exposed to a homogenous group of students. Till date I did not had an opportunity to interact with multi-lingual, multi- ethnic, multi- cultural group. (HERE YOU SHOULD TALK ABOUT COLLOGE LIFE OF PERSUE)One of the most interesting aspects of the whole college experience is getting a chance to meet thousands of new people who all have their own ideas and being able to share all of my ideas with them. I am looking forward to meet people from different cultural background. With such an environment not only will I have an opportunity to meet highly intellectual people from different ethnic and cultural background but also exposed to and share different ideas and thoughts altogether. (make this sentence shorter)

And also, make a conclusion that speaks loudly about the assistence of the university to your professional objectives.

Your ideas are more heart-touchable if you add other ideas such us interactions, education, community and so on. Wish you good luck.

PS, if you have time pls look at my essays also.

Thanks :)

I was fascinated by the movies like Air Force One and Top gun. I am also a big fan of the flight simulator franchise . I think you should cut these 2 sentences out of that first paragraph. They keep asserting the same idea, and they do not change anything. They are too simple. I think they should be taken out so that you can quickly get to the point and talk about how you started to INTELLECTUALLY pursue the interest. For example, I really like this sentence:

I opted for all science subjects in my high school as my quest for studying airplanes and space crafts increased with passage of time. ---very good.

Here is one more correction:

Till date I did not had Until now I had no opportunity to interact with...

Try writing a new draft with the corrections we gave.

:-)

I liked your essay, and have to commend you on your English. However, there were a few errors, such as when you referenced the movies, they should be italicized.

Getting a joystick on my birthday was one of the best gifts I ever received, this should be pluralized.
Also, I believe (I may be wrong about this), but numbers below 10 should be written out, unless there is a number greater than 10 in that sentence. For example, "There are eight cats." or "There are 10 dogs beyond the fence, but only 4 cats."

Finally, when you type hyphenated words, such as multi-cultural, you shouldn't put a space between the dash and the next letter, because it looks awkward.

Overall, I thought this was a pretty good essay with just a few grammatical errors, and again I have to compliment you on your English.

Good luck getting into Purdue. :)