This is my rough draft for my biographical essay, could you please read it and tell me what i should change, any suggestions are welcome. thanks a lot.
You really like to study" my class mate said, glancing as I tediously hovered over my book.
"Yeah I do", I replied smiling, hiding behind it the real motive I was studying.
"You're weird"
"you mean motivated"
His eyes cringed and he walked way. He couldn't comprehend my desire to study.
If only you knew I kept repeating in my head, If only you knew who I really was, you would understand why. As he started to walk away, I lifted my head up seeing the image that held the answer. It wasn't a vision into the future; it was what I faced each day. In the image two bodies labored meticulously under the heat of the sun, those two people weren't strangers, they were my parents. It was this image I had been carrying ever since I felt their pain. Their weary faces kept me going, making me immune to the strain of studying because it was nothing compared to the work they did. Slowly I was reminded of how we got here. It was just 10 years that my parents wanted to better their lives by leaving Peru and coming here in search of the American Dream. We had thought leaving our family and customs there was the hardest part but adapting to America was even harder. We struggled with the English barrier, unable to express ourselves and more importantly we struggled not being legal residents. We couldn't go to Peru and see our family we truly missed and my parents couldn't get the jobs they wanted. In School, I was afraid to speak, because others would laugh at how I spoke. Kids picked on me for being foreign, and all I could do was remain silent and put my head down. Suddenly It was all coming back now, our hardships became even more apparent. I remembered the night when my mom couldn't get out of bed dude to the pain in her back. That night and following nights I cried along with her because there was nothing that we could do. We couldn't afford to take her to the hospital; all we could do was lie there, and pray that God would help her. Each night I stayed awake embracing her and refusing to let go so she wouldn't leave me. God did not allow it, but my mom would tell me that she was ready to give in had it not been for me and the hope I gave her. It wasn't what I had accomlished thus far, it was her faith in my potential that kept her going. Nevertheless life was still difficult as my mom couldn't work for a couple of months, and in that time we struggled financially. I had to help my dad work duringsthe weekdays. This was hard on me but the desire to see my mom with me was even greater. In was in the mist of the battle, we lost our house our greatest step we had taken into reaching the American Dream; our dreamed became even more distant. School became grueling as all I could think of was if I would be coming to the same house. My mom would ask if I would get out us of this situation and the only answer I dared to give her was a yes, even though I didn't know what was to come. But God helped return some certainty in us, by allowing us to live there a little longer, to me a signal that America was meant for us and that we should continue our dream. We finally got our residence status and we had more opportunities. Seeing college as a more realistic opportunity I challenged myself just as my parents did. My mom began taking college courses and her desire to excel pushed me to do the same. I valued education more and more as I began to take challening classes. Begging to suceed, I began to belive in myself and the opportunity only found in America.
As I thought about the present the image of my parents now brightend a bit. Although there still are uncertainties, like where we live when we are evacuated from our house or how I will pay for college I know that no one can take away from me what I have in my head and heart, which is the desire to study. Recently my mom asked me again if I will give them a good future and this time I made a true promise that I will keep. Just as my parents have never given up on me, I will never give up on them.
Feeling empowered, the faces repapered this time with smiles protruding through their pain, smiling at me. They smiled because I had listened to them and I smile back because they had been right. My hard work was giving us a chance towards a good future. Suddenly the image began fading and I returned to look at my book, no longer seeing education as work but as an opportunity. I have and will continue to seize that opportunity.
You have a couple of typos and compound words that shouldn't be compounded...but other tha that, its great :).
I am also Peruvian and applying for Questbridge, good luck with your app!!
