"Elaborate on one of your extra-curriculars" - 150 words or less - critique?

This is the basic essay topic on the Common App. Needless to say, 150 words is difficult for me - if anyone has suggestions or comments for this, I'd be extremely grateful. Thank you!

The house lights are off. The dull roar of the audience is quieting to a few last-minute whispers. My footsteps are barely audible as I step out onto the stage. I take one final breath, the butterflies frantic in my stomach, and strike my pose. Then the music is playing, and I know exactly what to do. This is everything I have worked for; each step, each turn, each leap has been practiced and perfected through endless hours of rehearsal. The music continues to play, the lights are on me, and every eye of the audience is watching to see what I'll do next. The rush of adrenaline pulses through me, and all at once, I feel like I am exactly where I am meant to be. Nothing else compares. That feeling, that rush, is why I spend so much time in studios - dance is part of me.

This is pretty good. Now, tell us what sort of dance you practice, how long you have been training, and what performance you are describing, and you'll be well on your way to having a submittable essay.

That's the problem though - how can I possibly do all of that in 150 words? That bit right there is already 148. Hence my problem...:)

Well, the details you need to add shouldn't take up too much extra room, so throw them in, and then post the draft here, and we'll see what we can cut.

What about something like this (the beginning is exactly the same)? It's exactly 150.

The house lights are off. The dull roar of the audience is quieting to a few last-minute whispers. My footsteps are barely audible as I step out onto the stage. I take one final breath, the butterflies frantic in my stomach, and strike my pose. Then the music is playing, and I know exactly what to do. This is everything I have worked for; each step, each turn, each leap has been practiced and perfected through endless hours of rehearsal. The music continues to play, the lights are on me, and every eye of the audience is watching to see what I'll do next. All at once, I feel like I am exactly where I am meant to be. That feeling, that rush, is why I spend so much time in studios. Ten years, five styles, dozens of performances - dance is my life. I wouldn't have it any other way.

This is an excellent essay. In fact, I'd say it's probably as strong as you can make an essay in which you are limited to so few words. Your style and way of describing your performance tell us so much about you that it makes up for the explicit details about your feelings about dancing that you have to leave out.

Thank you so much!

I agree with Sean, though I do have a couple of tweaks to make it even stronger.

The dull roar of the audience quiets to a few last-minute whispers.

Then the music plays , and I know exactly what to do.

All at once, I feel like I am exactly where I am meant to be.

I agree that this is a strong essay and I can see the passion you have for danceing, but I say u do just a little cutting and add a little detail to it.