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ELON UNIVERSITY ESSAY- $10,000 to invest in a project - mission to stop high kill shelters


maggied31 1 / 1  
Nov 28, 2012   #1
Here is the prompt: --- If you were given $10,000 to invest in a project you are passionate about or a business or non-profit you want to start, what would it be and why? Who would benefit and how would you spend the money?

Here is my essay:

About three and a half years ago, my family adopted a young dog that was rescued. We didn't know the people who originally owned him, but we knew that they were planning on dropping him off in the middle of a highway as a newborn in order to get rid of him. His name was Bentley, and he was a German shepherd and Boxer mix. The moment I met him I fell in love. He was the sweetest puppy, and knowing in the back of my head what could have become of him just made me adore and appreciate him even more.

Unfortunately, we had to put him down this year. He had a disease called Laryngeal Paralysis. It made him cough a lot and gave him a lot of difficulty when it came to swallowing his food. He eventually started to lose a lot of weight, and while no one in my family wanted to accept it, we all knew that things would not get any better and no one wanted to watch him suffer. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. It was awful to have to watch him become ill at such a young age, considering the fact that our other dog is thirteen and still in perfect health. The saddest part was when my older dog, Rudy, attempted to play with him, Bentley would just lie down and growl. Losing him was such an eye-opening experience that made me realize how truly unfair the world can be at times.

Because Bentley was a rescue dog, I am now painfully aware of how many dogs that are out there who do not have a home and will probably end up dying alone in a shelter that practices inhumane ways to euthanize animals. I would use $5,000 to donate to PAWS Chicago. It's Chicago's largest no-kill humane organization whose primary focus is to find other solutions to end the killing of homeless pets. With the other $5,000, I would create my own organization with a mission to stop high kill shelters. I would create a website that spoke the truth about what really happens in these types of places and then ask for people's support so that they can be stopped. I would use the money to purchase ad space in local newspapers and on other websites so that I can spread the word about my organization. My ultimate goal is that I will eventually be able to shut some of these horrible places down so that these poor animals will not have to suffer any longer or be forced to die in fear alone.

PLEASE BE AS HARSH AS POSSIBLE. I want this to be good. I struggled really hard with this, so any suggestions are welcome.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 29, 2012   #2
Hi,

. Losing him was such an eye-opening experience that made me realize how truly unfair the world can be at times.

Wow.... very impressive.... Seems you are a goodhearted guy : )

It's very well written, I must say! It flows very well and I couldn't find anything to suggest for improvement : )

I want this to be good. I struggled really hard with this, so any suggestions are welcome.

For me, It's really good and it's shown that you have put all your heart into this writing. So finally your struggle is paid off : )

Good Luck!
tsbu - / 2  
Nov 29, 2012   #3
i think its better if you change ''a lot of difficulty when it came to swallowing his food'' to a more clear and precise version ''a lot if difficulty sawllowing his food ''
tsbu - / 2  
Nov 29, 2012   #4
EVEN BETTER ...
he had ,Laryngeal Paralysis, a disease that made him cough a lot and gave him a lot of difficulty swallowing his food.
OP maggied31 1 / 1  
Nov 29, 2012   #5
Thank you so much!!


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