Please review my essay.
Like how title states I had to write about world I come from.
"Stupid" - World I come from
"Stupid." "Thank you" Emigrating from South Korea and immigrating to United States was one of the biggest changes in my life. "Stupid," this is one of the name-calling I've received during thirteen-years of my life. I remember those days I cried because of these name callings. On the other hand, I also heard the phrase that I valued more than anything, that also made me smile.
I came to America when I was eight and entered school as third grader. Watching as my mom wave good bye to me, I felt anxious and started having pessimistic thoughts. My head started game of what ifs. Slowly I walked in to the class, hoping not to get noticed. But my attempts were failure. All eyes were on me. Slowly, I sat on small, empty, blue plastic chair. Then, girl who sat right to me asked me some questions. Unfortunately, I stayed mute because I had no idea what she was talking about. She probably thought I was a loner. Lunch time was the worst. Holding lunch in my hands, my footsteps stopped at lunch tables. Looking around, I was lost. I sat down on lunch table and started eating, while lamenting over my lack of friends. Going back to class, my teacher realized I do not have any understanding of English, and then made me sit next to Korean boy. I've realized just now that there was actually Korean in my class. I've learned that he came from Korea to learn English, and his father was learning golf. For about a month I depended on him.
Month later, my teacher gave me abounding amount of papers to solve. I sat on the desk and looked at it. I had no idea what this was about. I guessed 98% of it, and it wasn't even an educational guess. Then I realized, this was supposed to be a test. Oops! Week later, I met the boy's mother. She said she wanted to talk to me. Then she said, "Please refrain yourself from talking in Korean with my son in class. It's best for you and him." That was when I stopped depending on him. Two years passed, and I've adjusted to American life and did my best to learn the language. I also made friend. Her name is Maya. Maya transferred to our school when I was in fourth grade. When I first saw her, it was like watching me on my first day. I could obviously tell that she is very shy. During lunch, I saw her crying. I knew exactly how she felt at the moment. So, I walked up to her and offered her to sit next to me at lunch. She gladly accepted and received laconic response from her that made me so happy. Phrase that made me very happy... "Thank you." From then, we were best friends.
Award ceremonies were something I hated from bottom of my heart, since I could only get perfect attendance while that boy and his sister received gold honor rolls, rubbing it in my face. Determined, I've managed to receive not a gold honor roll but still an honor roll next trimester. I couldn't have been more proud and feel accomplished. But, my self- esteem crashed when boy's sister passed me passing derogatory comment at me "Hi, Stupid." I felt like a loser. I felt like I was nothing and I was immediately disappointed at myself for not receiving gold honor roll. Also her being younger than me brought more impact.
World I come from makes me stronger. Now when I receive criticism, I don't cry over it, but I find motivation in them. Also when world throws adversity at me, I have realized that I should look at these conflicts in a different way. For me, immigrating to America was a chance to learn how to adaptate in different environment and that degrading comment the girl made, motivated me to be where I am now, self confident girl who loves herself. And also... like my experience with Maya, when one faces conflict and becomes strong, they can also help others endure that adversity. This is the world I come from.
Hi,
Your essay is nice but it needs to be more concise. Is it a college application essay? Or just a class essay?
"Stupid." "Thank you" Emigrating from South Korea and immigrating to United States was one of the biggest changes in my life. "Stupid," this is one of the name-calling I've received during thirteen-years of my life. I remember those days I cried because of these name callings. On the other hand, I also heard the phrase that I valued more than anything, that also made me smile.
Maybe you can write something like this.
Emigrating from South Korea and settling down in the United states was one of the biggest challanges that i had to face in my life. "Stupid" I had been called during the initial years of my new life while i was desperately trying to figure out what was happening around me. Even though i incessantly cried because of the harsh name callings, i still managed to look beyond them and better myself with a positive outlook on life.
Hope this helps.
Good luck.
