'Enrichment program and 'unique' solution' - BU Supplement - Diversity

This past summer, I attended an enrichment program at the University of Mississippi called Apex Leadership Conference. Although this program was developed to increase the critical thinking of raising seniors and teach them leader ship roles, I learned the importance of diversity.

At the conference, individuals were divided into groups which were all given the same community problem to come up with a unique solution. The community problem was about a fictional town on the gulf coast of Mississippi. This town was economically hurt by the recent BP oil spill because tourism to the city's beeches was the main economy. In addition to the oil spill, the town was seeing a raise in teen crime rate and a high dropout rate. Each group was to come up with one solution that would suffice all three problems. Each group was required to at various locations around campus distant from other the groups so that no two groups could listen to the other group's solution development to the problem.

When the time came to present our 'unique' solution, something very ironic happened. Every group had the same solution of cleaning up the town's beaches by requiring community service. I was amazed at how the similar every presentation was. When thinking back to this experience, I realized that most of the people excluding me and three others were of the same socio-economic background and had similar personalities. This was evident through the individuals' .

One thing was very evident, the program was not diverse at all, not only pertaining to diverse races, but also diverse personalities. I often contemplate on how the whole experience could have been different if there was a person from Africa or South America who has been through poverty. This person's different perspective could have impacted his group to come up with a very different solution from the other groups.

In retrospect, this one activity made me realize the vital role that diversity plays in shaping our world. To fully reach my potential, I think being in a very diverse atmosphere is very important. A diverse atmosphere will allow me to be introduced to people who think very differently from me. As they say, surroundings pay a very vital role in the development of a person. What better way to develop myself than being in one of the most diverse places on the face of this earth?

BU attracts students from more countries than are represented in the United Nations. Our global presence and reputation are important and are reflected in the perspectives, opinions, and experiences of our students. Why is this type of environment important to you?

Honestly, it was kind of boring. It didn't really catch my attention. Sorry :/

Oh well, I'm ready to be done with these essays anyways.

It's a decent essay. I have to agree with others, though. It isn't necessarily eye catching, but it will get the job done. Try to use different words/phrases to replace "diverse" or "diversity", as that might be one of the reasons why the essay may seem so ordinary.

I agree with karissa_a16, it needs some more excitement, and I had a difficult time understanding as I read. Kind of like a textbook...

I think there's too much description about the community problem. No one needs to know that the location of the fictional town was near the gulf of Mississippi, or that there is a raise in teen crime and a high drop out rate. You only mentioned how everyone suggested community service to solve the BP oil spill, so maybe you can just include that problem.

Talk more about why a diverse atmosphere is so important, and why the diversity at this program was not enough for you.

Hope this helps!

Yes, thank you for all the help. It will make my essay a whole lot better.

Although this program was developed to increase the critical thinking of raisingrising seniors and teach them leader shipleadership roles, I learned the importance of diversity.

The problem regarded a fictional town on the gulf coast of Mississippi economically hurt by the recent BP oil spill because this affected the tourism to the city's beaches. <-- break that sentence up somehow

One thing was every evident to me. The program was not diverse at all, not only pertaining to diverse races, but also to personalities. Most of the individuals all thought alike, and therefore presented a similar solution.

i like how you bring up how you haven't experienced diversity and how BU will allow you to experience it.

Heyy! I like ur essay! very good point made. (i'm from a very diverse community so I've seen this first hand how different it is when you go to a non diverse community).

anyways its a pretty good essay but I think you spend a bit too much time explaining what the activity required you to do instead of what your realization was. Maybe you could include a part of a possible solution that a more diverse group could have presented instead of just pondering the idea. Also you said raising seniors, I think its suppose to be rising seniors? Other than that a pretty good essay. :)

PLEASE HELP ME ON MY ESSAYS!!!! DEADLINE IS IN 2 DAYS!!!! thank youuuuuu! :)))))

Parts of it is a bit redundent. I'd write it like: A diverse atmosphere will introduce me to people with different perspectives.

Good luck on BU i applied there too :o
plz read my tufts supplement

First of all I like your essay it's succint and precise. It is an essay as mush as it is a critique. You might want to add a few lines to the last part though.

for example 'A diverse atmosphere and group of people will also generate ideas form different perspectives which is critical to business and solutions to problems.'

I do like it, but I feel you might want to talk more about yourself towards the end. The majority of the essay is about the program, which doesn't really let you in particular shine through. I'd say either expand on how diversity can broaden your horizons or benefit your future. It's good, just could be better.


This sentence is a bit awkward, I'd reword it.

Leadership is one word :)


I'd rewrite this as "One activity involved coming up with a unique solution to a community problem." I was taught not to stretch out a sentence.


A comma isn't needed here.


There's something about the flow of this sentence, maybe it's just me. I'd rewrite this as "The problem regarded a fictional town on the gulf coast of Mississippi's economy affected by the recent BP oil spill damaging it's beaches, causing a decline in tourism."


The town was experiencing a rise in


Add a comma between "to at" and "campus distant" Distant should also be changed to "distance themselves"



I think this part should be cut out completely simply because one doesn't need to experience poverty to have a different perspective.

Everything else looks alright to me. Hope I helped. Good luck :)