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I envision myself to be a one of the cornellians ; cocornell engineering essay



sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Dec 3, 2012   #1
prompt : Tell us about an engineering idea you have, or about your interest in engineering. Describe how your ideas and interests may be realized by - and linked to - specific resources within the College of Engineering. Finally, explain what a Cornell Engineering education will enable you to accomplish.

Please evaluate this essay and give your opinion . be as harsh as you want.

Transforming Ideas Into Reality
The cracking noise of welding arc, flying sparks and dripping iron from soldering equipment - that was how my first physics class really looked like. The first words of my teacher were - Newton's laws are not for cramming guys, nor are Maxwell's equations. Look at the clothes you are wearing, the fans keeping you cool or the desks you are sitting on. All of these wouldn't be possible without science and people who dreamt to use it. That was the day I first encountered engineering in its true sense. Each passing day brought me closer to machines - I started to figure out how my computer works, what makes my fan revolve and how the bulb gives light. Making and breaking acted as aphrodisiac for me. My imagination knew no bounds, conceiving objects of science fiction and giving them a realistic shape.

Now fast forwarding to my junior year, I approached my Computer Science teacher with an idea about the applications of neural networks in medical sciences. The idea he thought was worth pursuing so he directed me to apply for research at Department of Computer Science, Delhi University and under the able guidance of people there, I was able to successfully complete the project. Working in an academic setting enabled me to experience the dedication required towards research at the university level and prepare me for my future courses in computer science and in general, engineering.

Considering my passions, Cornell would be the best place for me to pursue engineering. The Department of Computer Science have a distinctive program to offer to undergraduates. One of key things that distinguish Cornell is the large variety of courses it offers to undergrads based on their individual abilities, such as the choices we get in our first CS course. It allows us to take more courses in our field of interest with an appropriate number of liberal studies courses. Another point of interest for me is the ability to double major in computational biology which look forward too, in relation to the project I conceived earlier. Also the co-ops program will help me to get exposure to industry, thereby setting up path for a successful career. And the most important aspect of Cornell that drove me to visualize myself in Ithaca is the ability to engage in independent research with faculty members. The encouragement given to research, even in freshman and sophomore year is encountered at only a handful of universities. Especially the Intelligent Information System Institute and Centre for Advanced Computing captures my imagination for conducting research.

The specialization following this would be of prime importance to me in my career ahead. Whether it would be grad school or a job in a prestigious firm, it will help me to use my strengths and experiences for achieving success in all my endeavors. Using education provided at Cornell, I hope to play my part in creating a technologically developed world with objects present only in pages of Jules Verne's novels. I envision myself to be a one of the cornellians and firmly believe Cornell to be the perfect destination for me to give way to all my passions.

admission2012 - / 475  
Dec 3, 2012   #2
The prompt explicitly asked you to link your ambitions to specific resources within the College of Engineering. You didn't do that. You have so many options here but somehow managed to deliver a dull and extremely superficial essay. Try talking about your research project at the University more. How do you think your results would have been different had you had some of the resources of Cornell University at your disposal. What courses are you looking to take? Which professor would you like to assist with research and why? -AAO

Hope this helps.
linting2012 10 / 78  
Dec 4, 2012   #3
Hey Admission 2012

you always have very strong and useful critiques, do you mind looking at my essays?

besides that Sartha reading your essay it makes me think that you would love "3-D Printing" maybe you can read through some articles about it and write about this really novel ways of manufacturing in your essay.
OP sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Dec 4, 2012   #4
@admission2012 . thanks for your review. it was quite helpful . now I can see what I can change to make this essay more captivating.
if possible can you also review my stanford roommate essay :
esarcosmos 4 / 10  
Dec 7, 2012   #5
Hello sarthak, how are you?
your score is pretty nice, and as you have accurately predicted it is quite dull. I don't know much about the grammar but i can suggest you on how to make it interesting. Firstly your concept on the whole is very correct. I think you have to describe on how you did all those research and how did you approach du....do you get what i mean and tell more of what at yale do you like or why was it your choice in the first place. If you want to ask somthing mail me at chauhanbhimesh23[attherate]gmail.com. Hope I helped!!
Didgeridoo - / 289  
Dec 7, 2012   #6
Overall, it's not too bad... Boringness isn't the problem, it's mostly making your ideas flow. Especially in the last two paragraphs, I started to lose the passion for computer science (?) and the drive you had for helping people. Those paragraphs sounded kind of generic. Remember, you aren't going to Yale so they can fund your project; think about what Yale stands for, and what you want to learn from them.
OP sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Dec 8, 2012   #7
thanks for your comments . i really appreciate them and will make the necessary changes. And thanks again for a heads up on plagiarism - I will end differently now.
Didgeridoo - / 289  
Dec 8, 2012   #8
I'm impressed! This looks a lot more cohesive, I can feel your passion for computer science a lot more, and you made a clearer connection between your love of the subject and why you would go to Yale.
OP sarthakjain 19 / 58  
Dec 8, 2012   #9
many , many many thanks for your revision . atleast now i can feel assurance in submitting this essay . I will include some of the facts you mentioned .


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