Hey there! This is my first post and I would like to request a grading of my Common App essay. Be as critical as you possibly can, please! Thanks!
Discuss an accomplishment or event, formal or informal, that marked your transition from childhood to adulthood within your culture, community, or family.
Honestly, I don't believe that my defining moment of my transition into adulthood really came until very recently, in the past summer, during the shift from junior year into senior year. During that summer, multiple events occurred that changed me for the better and ultimately, made me more mature in my own eyes. Prior to that period, I always felt that I wasn't as mature as I should've been. I always procrastinated and it impacted my academic and social life negatively and whenever I had the chance to do a little extra work, I would always pass. However, over time, I was able to develop a sense of priority in my work and eventually, it culminated in the events of this past summer. Near the end of June, I began attending the National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine at Villanova University for ten days. Little did I know that those ten days of pure unbridled independence would turn out to be some of the best days of my life. My first day of class at the Forum, however, began with a feeling a homesickness. Nevertheless, I was able to overcome this feeling by integrating myself into the Forum and associating with my newfound peers. Being given the independence and free will to make my own choices in a college setting was one of the best experiences that I had to that point. During those ten days, I realized something: that the setting I was in is identical to what I will have to live in for probably the next four years. Because of this realization, I felt that I needed to grow accustomed to life as an independent person that could manage on my own: an adult. To me, being an adult involves taking control of independence and learning to use it to the fullest, rather than just possessing it. The Forum taught me the value of independence and thus, I consider it the epitome of my transformation into an adult.
It is not absolutely necessary to do so, but it would make the short essay a little better if you were to make it into two paragraphs instead of just one especially since there is a change from one thing to another. I was thinking that it would be best to make the beginning of the second paragraph with Near the end of June, I began attending the National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine at Villanova University for ten days. Little did I know that those ten days of pure unbridled ...
You begin talking about something new starting with that sentence.
Other than that, the rest is really good. I couldn't find any grammatical errors. The entire thing was answered with honesty.
Honestly, I don't believe that my defining moment of my transition into adulthood really came until very recently, in the past summer, during the shift from junior year into senior year.
Honestly, I don't believe that defining moment of my transition from childhood to adulthood really came until I shifted from junior year into senior year in the last summer.During that summer, multiple events occurred that changed me for the better and ultimately, made me more mature in my own eyes.
What are those events? Better start telling them now itself.
