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'excellent arts program' - personal statement for VCU



jmcollier 1 / -  
Nov 26, 2011   #1
I can butcher my grammar sometime and i would really appreciate it if someone would review my personal statement.

When I began my search for my college I wanted to attend, I put a lot of thought into Virginia Common Wealth University. From what I've seen it holds home to so much creativity and diversity. When I finally began to narrow down my options I realized creativity and diversity are two elements that are necessary to better myself not only in my education but also in my personal growth. When I graduate from college I will be the first in my family to do so. Everyday I strive to do better than what is expected of because of my past experiences. When I was born, my dad left my mom and I. Granted I still had a huge support system, but there's nothing worse than losing a parent you never had, or wanted you for that matter. So when I first began high school, I already had the mindset that I would become someone worth of appreciation. It was during this time that I realized I was letting others manipulate my desires. I wanted to be all of the things that would make me the most successful, to prove to everyone and myself that I could be more than what people expected me to be. But I've decided that it is not about what makes you the most successful, but what makes you the happiest. I have been extremely happy performing and have decided it's where I want to be despite the odds. And with VCU's excellent arts program I truly believe that not only will it help me discover what path to take, it will not restrict me in any way.

wilsy 1 / 3  
Nov 26, 2011   #2
Hi :)
Try to avoid contraction words when you are doing formal writing.
overall it is really good


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