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Why expecting to repeat your senior year? - Common App Activity



abebek 1 / 2  
Dec 21, 2010   #1
Hi, I'm international student who's trying to apply for colleges abroad. I need some little help for the short answer regarding my activities on CommonApp. Any help will be greatly appreciated. The prompt is to briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences (150 words or fewer, 1000 character maximum).

Here is my statement :

"Why are you expecting to repeat you senior year for this exchange program?". This was just one question that frequently asked by my friends during my stay in USA under an exchange student program. I realized initially that the road I have taken was the less traveled and some risks might've expected. What I risk though soon turned out to be a blissful experience. Hosted by hospitable family in addition to well acceptance both in the school ...

...

words count: 150

Thank you in advance!

OP abebek 1 / 2  
Dec 22, 2010   #2
In the last sentence I intend to say that from those activities I've joined in, I got a lesson about leadership values in addition to perform myself as an ambassador of my country. This sentence : "which benefit from the program designated to the charity organizations at the student's respective countries" refers to the jump rope club, but I think I'm failed to use the appositive.

Here's the revision :
"Why are you looking forward to repeat your senior year after this exchange program?". This was just one question that my friends frequently asked during my stay in USA under an exchange student program. I realized that the road I had taken was less traveled and some hardships were to be expected. Still, this turned out to be a blissful experience. Hosted by hospitable, accepted both in the school environment and by other exchange students in my group, I was able to adjust. Getting involved in activities such as community services, drama club, Spanish club and jump rope club (a charity organized by my exchange chapter that aims to fight poverty), contributed to my betterment as an individual and to my leadership skills, in favor of the fact that I'm the ambassador of my country.

Thank you so much for the feedback essceejay216. But after all, do you think I clearly answer the prompt?
essceejay216 4 / 38  
Dec 22, 2010   #3
to answer your question: yes, you definitely answer the prompt.

however, there are still a few errors:

"my stay in USA" should be "my stay in the USA"

"Hosted by hospitable, accepted..." should be "Hosted by a hospitable family, accepted..."

"such as community services" should be "such as community service" (no "s" on the end of "service")

other than those things, it's pretty good :)


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