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Failure is simply the opportunity - Common App Essay First Draft - Motivation Essay


gracecurry01 1 / -  
Aug 12, 2018   #1

I took matters into my own hands



School has never come easy for me. It wasn't any different when it came to AP US History. I decided to take AP US History with a load of doubt, from my peers, my old teachers,and even my school counselor. They saw that I had never taken an AP class and I really didn't know much about our country's history.

Our first test was at the end of August. It was hard knowing how much to prepare or what it was going to be like. I got a D on the first test. I felt the weight of everyone's opinions but more so of how disappointed I felt in myself. For me, it was just another roadblock I needed to overcome.

From that point on I took matters into my own hands. I found myself a stellar tutor, bought books on books of study preparation material, even watched videos on how to take notes. Everyone in my class thought I was crazy for doing so much work. Little did they know, my work paid off and I got a B on the second test. My motivation kept on growing until I was able to truly succeed. Second semester I ended up getting the highest grade in my class on a test.

Something I realized later on is that this was the first time I loved learning history. It wasn't the time period, or my teacher, it was that I had a problem I needed to overcome. Problem solving in my own life is true motivation for me. Proving everyone that I can do what I set my mind to is motivation for me. Seeing that I am able to accomplish anything is motivation. "Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently." Henry Ford

Holt [Contributor] - / 7,176 1785  
Aug 13, 2018   #2
Grace, it would be better for us to review your essay based on the common app prompt that you are responding to. Kindly remember to post the next common app prompt with your next essay so that you can receive a more adequate and applicable review from us. In the meantime, I will just offer you a general review of this essay. I believe that you have the presentation in reverse.

If I were to write this essay, I would have started off with a single line quoting Henry Ford at the top of the paper, then I would have started a new line explaining that I seemed to find my greatest motivation in life by finding personal problems or situations to resolve. Only after that would I have presented the AP History story to help substantiate my claims regarding personal problems being a motivation in my life.

I would have depicted some specific problems that I faced as a student of the class which led to my getting a D in the first test. That way, the motivational factor for my desire to succeed and prove other people wrong would have a stronger foundation that would convincingly ended with the way I performed well later on and then eventually, getting the highest grade in the class.

You've got a pretty good essay presentation here. I wish I knew what the full prompt you are responding to is. Somehow, I feel like you could still improve the presentation. I believe there is still room for improvement and additional information in your essay.


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