Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
I didn't have to run across the border to know the struggle immigrants face daily. My mother came here when she was 17; my father was 22. Neither had an education, and the mythical American Dream lured their young hearts. They married and made a pact that in a year both would return to Mexico to begin a family. One year became ten and ten became twenty-five, until life in America was the norm.
Being the second oldest of the bunch, I quickly learned that no matter how much I wanted it to be so, my family was not American. For a while, I blamed my parents because I didn't know who else to blame. It felt unfair that I had to learn to multiply without any aid from them or that I had to learn English, while most children already spoke it. Soon I understood though. I understood that there were situations beyond our control. As children from my third grade class bragged about going to Mexico, I longed to fix a shattered immigration system that held my family back. My father worked graveyard shifts at McDonalds, and my mother stayed home to tend to all six children. Through them, I learned that the embodiment of an immigrant is more than crop tending stories and tails of outrunning the law. My parents are the blood and flesh of a system tainted with flaws; they withstand challenges and hate because no alternative exists. Their teachings taught me life lessons that school never could. It was my father, not the sociology book, who taught me that life grants us all chances and that being the most affluent person in the world, is not nearly as important as whom we choose to become. It was my mother, not the history book, who taught me that though success may come, we cannot lose ourselves because if we do, we lose everything. It was my brother, not the physics book, who taught me that if I ever fell he would be the force to help me back up. It was my sister, not the Art book, who taught me to draw and dream outside established boundaries. Through my parents' struggles I learned to overcome obstacles set forth. The prejudice faced daily taught me to value every individual beyond a racial profile. Through the sleepless nights of learning the American language, I learned tolerance and patience for all. The one-bedroom apartment that guarded my haven taught me to keep a good head on my shoulders. My family shaped the person I am today and will continue to shape the person I will become.
As I grew older, my family opened my eyes to new possibilities. With my parents constant emphasis on education, they taught me that just as there are thing I cannot control, there are also things I can control. Among them that with enough ardor, I can go to college and earn a bachelor's degree - something that would have seem unattainable to a 5 yr. old me, who was surrounded by nothing more than high school dropouts. I can go on to medical school and become a surgeon. My aspirations and dreams are shaped by my family's support and teachings, and I owe it to them to follow through with my fullest potential.
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Any grammar or wordchoice advice would be truly appreciated. Any advice on weak areas? Thanks in advance :)
I think it's a great essay! I mean, I enjoyed reading your story so much I couldn't stop to look for grammatical errors or whatever.
Okay, second read...
"Through them, I learned that the embodiment of an immigrant is more than crop tending stories and tails of outrunning the law." Do you mean tales ?
"With my parents constant emphasis on education, they taught me that just as there are thing I cannot control, there are also things I can control." I think it's better if you say, "My parents' constant emphasis on education taught me that just as there are things I cannot control, there are also things I can control."
"Among them is that with enough ardor, I can go to college and earn a bachelor's degree - something that would have seem unattainable to a 5 year old me, who was surrounded by no one other than high school dropouts." 'nothing' sounds unsuitable.
Just some brushing up and you'd have a wonderful essay:D
