FAMU: How has your family, culture, or environment influenced who you are?

This is my rough draft to my college entrance essay for FAMU! I need serious criticism please! Help me! 250 Words

Q: How has your family history, culture, or environment influenced who you are?

From the day I was born, my family environment has influenced me. From my mannerism to the way I interact with others. When people meet my family, they instantly understand why I am the way I am: appearance, sense of humor, and my personality. My mother has four children and my father has six children and we're all totally different. My parents allowed each of us to be ourselves. I live up to the quote, "If opportunity doesn't knock build a door". My family history provides me with confidence to succeed. Being the first on my father side to graduate from high school and the first out of my entire family to go to college is the greatest feeling in the world but comes with a lot of pressure. My mother and father never completed high school so I watch them both struggle today; low paying jobs and living from check to check. The past few years of my life has truly changed. My faith is stronger and I am much more confident. I may not be the brightest or straight "A" student people expect me to be, but everything I do, I always persevere. My family's culture has given me the confidence to overcome every obstacle that has been presented to me. Being a black African-American student has it's ups and downs but some how I always seem to make it through with the faith of God. I believe it is a persons culture who define who they are.

Thank You!
KeNiesha Coleman
High School Senior!

My mother has four children and my father has six children and were all totally different.
"We're" instead of "were".. small mistakes can sometimes cost you.

"I may not me the brightest, nor straight "A" student everyone expects me to be, but everything I do I always persevere."

"be" instead of "me"... Also try to reword...something like this:
ex: "I may not be the brightest or straight "A" student people expects me to be, but with everything I do, I always persevere."

This sentence needs a verb:
From my mannerism to the way I interact with others.
You can add a verb like this:
The influence shapes my mannerism and the way I interact...

I believe it is a persons person's culture who define who they are.---Wow, I totally disagree. Culture is just the stuff leftover from last night's dinner.

It sounds like you have a great family, though!
:-)