(Fasting) - What is the best advice you've ever given or received?

Tik...tok...tik...tok. The seconds ticked by monotonously. Time had slowed down. I stared at the clock ferociously, willing it to move faster, to end the agony. My stomach writhed and made loud noises. Food was within my reach, but I could not eat. My throat was parched dry. I had a cup filled with water, but I could not drink. This is how it feels to fast.

My first few tries at fasting failed miserably. I simply could not let a whole day pass by without eating a Pop-tart. I was surprised when I saw my 80-year old grandparents easily fasting two days at a time whereas I could not restrain myself even for a day.

"Maybe old people don't need to eat as much," I thought, trying to make excuses for myself. Deep inside, I knew that this was caused by my lack of strong will. I was a slave, dictated by the impulses of my mind. My father once said, "Control your mind, and it can be your best friend. Lose control, and it can be your greatest enemy." Like so many others, I had lost control, and my own mind was my enemy. I took it as a challenge to free myself from the shackles that my mind had cast upon me. I would fast to prove to myself that I have a strong will.

After many years of practice, I am now able to fast with relative ease. However, fasting is not the ultimate goal. The ultimate goal is to develop a strong will through which I can pursue my career goals in a more efficient manner.

I feel like this essay is too mechanical...like there's not that much feeling behind it. Also, I'm really not happy with my ending. I want to somehow relate this to my personality, and to my studies, but not really sure how. I went a little over the word limit at 270 words (supposed to be 250), but it said "approximately", so that should be okay. The quote seems cliche to me, but I'm using it for lack of a better one. Also, if you have any suggestions for a good title, I would really appreciate it. Thanks!

I feel that you are right about the essay lacking meaning. So are you not fasting for religious purpose? The prompt was about the "advice" but you focused too much on the hardship (even though I know why you did that). You can make your quote not as cliche by presenting it differently, i don't know how to give advice on that part but you can be a little more philosophical.

The title can be like overcoming temptation or something along those lines.
Good luck and hope it helped a bit.

Thanks a lot for the corrections!

Also, for one of your corrections, you said to change "This is how it feels to fast" to "This is how it feels when you are fasting ." But I thought it's not good to put 'you' into essays.

Well the fasting is on religious days, but I don't do it for that purpose. I do it as a test of my willpower. I didn't include the part about religion because I felt it was irrelevant to the topic.

Yeah, I think focused a lot on the hardship too. The problem is, I had to contrive a lot of this. My father never said that to me...I read it from a book. I just thought it would be more fitting to say that my father said it. And the advice didn't actually impact me as much as I say it did. So it was easier for me to focus on what I actually felt, which was the hardship of fasting than focusing on something I made up.

ha ha, cute.


Ah! I guess you are right. Well, read it again and see what is the most powerful statement. Use that statement as your starting point to write something more.

You might scrap all of this, but do not scrap the idea. Continue to write, and keep only the best material. Inspiration will come, and with it will come rhythm. You can tell when writing has the feeling of inspiration. This does not have it, and it is just like sometimes when I play the guitar but do not feel inspiration: I have technical proficiency, and in the same way you have proficiency as a writer. I have good songs to play, and in the same way you have a good concept. Just sit down again now that you have renewed energy, and use it to express the most profound ideas about your practice of renunciation and focus.