The prompt for Rutgers this year is:
Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces
At just about my age, my father's parents forced him to drop out of high school in order to continue the family trade and become an electrician, despite his drive to make a career in finances. It was not until having me in his mid-twenties that he was able to find the work and time to attain his career, taking the particularly unconventional and demanding option of an accelerated two year course to earn a BA in Business at Baruch in order to make up lost time. Fifteen years later, he is trying to instill in me the drive to take advantage of opportunities he never had; to secure my future earlier than his parents allowed him. It is because of the two non-stop years of night school while working during the day, because he knows that he could be so much farther in his career right now had he the opportunity to afford a higher education when he was younger, that he has been able to garner my respect and make the importance of achieving the best education possible, as early as possible, so clear to me.
On the other hand, it is also the passions he has given up that I wish to maintain for the rest of my life that have pushed me to pursue the University of Rutgers. I remember looking through notebooks upon notebooks I had found lying around as a toddler, each filled with lyrics and song ideas my father generated from his adolescence to when he began attendance at Baruch. His ideas, and the genuine, if not off-key renditions of his music that he sang to me growing up are what eventually led me to become a musician; taking up bass guitar upon freshman year of high school. Nevertheless, I am frustrated when he will pop out a new song, or refurbish and recite an old one in a performance of uncommon excitement, but refuse to try and sell his ideas; to make them come to life as he did when he was younger. He says any serious involvement in songwriting would leave him unable to focus on his work. I do not respect my father any less for his hesitance to approach music as anything more than a hobby again, but I can't help but feel as if he is making excuses.
In my junior year of high school I found the time and motivation to realize my role as a programmer in the Software Engineering major while simultaneously co-producing and playing in an entirely student run production of "The Wall," by Pink Floyd. My responsibilities started even before school started; working from early August to mid-November learning to play a 28 track album while helping the rest of the six man orchestra to execute their parts. On top of my responsibilities as a performer, I also worked with school administration securing permits for the auditorium, funding for props, and documenting the credits the cast would receive. I managed both my role as a leader and a musician while keeping up with my schoolwork and learning the four different programming languages being taught in my Major's classes. This is why I do not believe my father's pursuit of music has to interfere with his work; if he truly wished to follow his art, he would find the time for both.
I do not know what I would do without the guidance of my father. I do know I can offer Rutgers the drive to obtain the security of a career in Computer Science and at the same time, pursue my passion as a musician. Rutgers will allow me the education my father always wanted, and the opportunities he never had.
Any suggestions are appreciated, thank you.
electrician, despite his drive passion
On the other hand, it is also the passions he has given up that I wish to maintain for the rest of my life that have pushed me to pursue the University of Rutgers
Not sure what you want to imply in this above statement, try to be more clear in what you are trying to express.
Your main idea of the essay is good, you might want to shorten your statements in telling how your father has inspired and instilled in you the academical & musical passion
I do not know what I would do without the guidance of my father. I do know I can offer Rutgers the drive to obtain the security of a career in Computer Science and at the same time, pursue my passion as a musician. Rutgers will allow me the education my father always wanted, and the opportunities he never had.
Paraphrase the 1st statement, its sounds too banal.
2nd statement - I could not make out what you wanted to say in this statement
You missed the topic of this essay: It's diversity. How will you contribute to a location of many cultures, experiences, and people. A story about your dad and how he motivated you to work doesn't contribute to diversity.
I'm also an HS senior and I already got accepted into Rutgers Business and Engineering, if you need some sort of credit from me
