'the field of Social and Cultural Anthropology' - Duke Supplement_Research Project

This a draft of my duke research prompt. if you have participated in any significant research activity outside of school, please provide a brief description and limit your response to one or two paragraphs.

In the 11th Grade I undertook the writing of my Extended Essay, an independent research paper of the IB Diploma Program. I chose to commence my research in the field of Social and Cultural Anthropology, as I was investigating the cultural traits and processes of cultural change for American women that are responsible for them achieving a form of equality in the United States. Furthermore, my research focused on the 20th Century, and more specifically, the time before, during, and after World War II.

I took an interest in this research from an unlikely source. During one ordinary day in history class, my teacher stated that women still do not have equal rights. Wanting to one day work in the Justice System, I am a strong advocate for equal opportunity. Having heard such, I took it upon myself to find out more and look into how exactly women do share the same opportunities that their counterparts are already accustomed to. My aims as a researcher were to attain an equal, unbiased viewpoint of the push by women towards a society of equal opportunity.

Maybe I need a better concluding sentence. I don't know. what do you think

Here I edited it a little bit more:

Independent Research Project

In the 11th Grade I undertook the writing of my Extended Essay, an independent research paper of the IB Diploma Program. I chose to commence my research in the field of Social and Cultural Anthropology, as I was investigating the cultural traits and processes of cultural change for American women that are responsible for them achieving a form of equality in the United States. Furthermore, my research focused on the 20th Century, more specifically, the time before, during, and after World War II.

I took an interest in this research from an unlikely source. During an average day in history class, my teacher stated that women still have not achieved equal rights. Wanting to one day work in the Justice System, I am a strong advocate for equal opportunity. Having heard such, I took it upon myself to find out more and evaluate exactly how women do not share the same opportunities that their counterparts are already accustomed to. My aims as a researcher were to attain an equal, unbiased viewpoint of the push by women towards a society of equal opportunity. Although my original interest in researching women's role in society came from a unique basis, the research has helped provide me with a well-rounded understanding of the importance of societal equality.

Help please?!

Hello,

I still didn't learn anything about your research. You only have two short paragraphs, you need to talk more about your research including what actions you took to complete the research and most importantly the results and what you have learned from the process and results. Also "Furthermore, my research focused on the 20th Century, more specifically, the time before, during, and after World War II," can be omitted as "focused on the 20th Century include the entire 20th century....