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"Finally, I made it" ; TRANSFER/ USNA to UChicago; arch-nemesis



nhkpr7 1 / 2  
May 18, 2013   #1
So, I decided to leave the Naval Academy to *hopefully* transfer to the UofC. I decided to answer the following prompt.
Essay Option 1: "A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies." -Oscar Wilde.

Othello and Iago. Dorothy and the Wicked Witch. The Autobots and the Decepticons. History and art are full of heroes and their enemies. Tell us about the relationship between you and your arch-nemesis (either real or imagined).

Inspired by Martin Krzywy, admitted student Class of 2016.


With the following Essay:

The night was a clear, and a cool steady breeze kissed the back of my neck as I slowly crept across the lawn of a Gothic edifice. There were tall arched windows, a matching wooden door, and green vines slowly crept up the façade, obscuring the name of the building. All I could make out was an "o" or a "u," followed by "-art Hall." I was drawn to a comforting light emanating from its windows-I had been every night-even though I had no idea what it was, and each attempt was abruptly arrested.

Trying to avoid being seen by the few people walking along the pathway that split the lawn, I would take refuge in the shadows. I tried to listen to what they said, but could not make out the words over the adrenaline-rushed throbbing of my heart. I slowly continued towards the building.

I heard a loud "tap-tap-tap" and quickly ducked down, darting my head back and forth trying to find its source. There was not much time left; I always heard it before I was stopped, preventing me from reaching that light. "Not tonight," I told myself. I was not going to let him stop me again. Searching back and forth and seeing no one in the immediate vicinity, I stood up and quickly jogged towards the door. Never before had I made it this far. Tonight was the night.

Finally, I made it. I was standing in front of an arched wooden door. I slowly cracked open the door, cautiously peering inside. The light enveloped me. Even though I could not see what was inside, I felt like I belonged. I put my foot in the door.

At that moment, I heard that tapping again. This time it was much louder, and this time everything went black. He had stopped me again. "Midshipman Howe," I heard in a stern voice as I opened my eyes, looking the Captain in charge of teaching me Naval History as he knocked his ring on my desk to wake me. "Every, single day..." he scolded, and I quickly shot back a rehearsed "no excuse, sir" and straightened myself in my chair.

That all-too-familiar moment had become my nemesis always preventing me from getting in that building. Looking around the room at the multitude of other Mids, dressed in black, writing down exactly what the Captain would dictate, I endeavored to finally defeat that nemesis, and to finally get inside that building-hopefully not only in my dreams.

Thank you very much for your help.

Nathan

OP nhkpr7 1 / 2  
May 19, 2013   #2
I took out the UofC reference. Here is a different version.

I suddenly awoke. Opening my eyes, I glared at a dark stone wall that stood in front of me with faint figures dancing across its face. The air was heavy and damp causing me to choke down each breath, but a faint cool breeze kissed the back of my neck. I felt drawn to it-I had often been, and every attempt to discover its source was abruptly arrested.

My neck was stiff and sore, but I slowly moved my head around to see where I was. To my left and right I saw other people, dressed in black staring at that wall, mesmerized by the fleeting dancers. Behind me I saw rags connected to stone pillars weakly fluttering in the breeze.

I walked up to them and peered around to the other side. Immediately by eyes burned as I found myself looking into a small fire. As my eyes adjusted, the fire became soothing, and I crouched beside it. Looking back beyond the pillars, I saw that that their shadows were creating those little dancers. I felt the cool breeze pierce the air, and I saw a warm light emanating around a distant corner. It made me feel dissatisfied with my fire, and I was drawn to the light. It was comforting.

I heard a loud "tap-tap-tap" and quickly ducked down, darting my head back and forth trying to find what made the noise. I did not have much time left; I always heard that noise before I was stopped, preventing me from reaching that light. "Not this time," I told myself. I was not going to let him stop me again. I stood up and quickly made my way towards the light.

I made it to a bend in the rough wall, and out of fear of what I would find, I hesitated to peer around. All I could hear was the adrenaline rushed thumping of my heart. I had never made it this far. I was going to find that light. I quickly jumped around the corner. The light enveloped me, and I could not see a thing. The air was cool and dry, and I could feel it tickling my face as it blew by. I did not know where I was yet, but I knew I belonged.

At that moment, I heard that tapping again. This time it was much louder, and this time everything went black. He had stopped me again. "Midshipman Howe," I heard in a stern voice as I opened my eyes, looking at the Captain in charge of teaching me Naval History as he knocked his ring on my desk to wake me. "Every single day..." he scolded, and I quickly shot back a rehearsed "No excuse, sir" and straightened myself in my chair.

That all-too-familiar moment had become my nemesis, always preventing me from finding that light. Looking around the room at the multitude of other Mids, dressed in our black uniforms, they sat upright as if they were shackled to their chairs, staring at the projected power point in front of them. The Captain went back to talking, and I stared too. My arms felt heavy, and my neck began to stiffen. I stared at the picture on the screen of a man galloping through the streets with a torch in hand. At that moment, I endeavored to finally defeat that nemesis and to find out what that light truly was.
fsolano94 16 / 28  
May 21, 2013   #3
This is a really deep and though-provoking essay. I hope you get accepted to UChicago. Good Luck with your academic expectations!
OP nhkpr7 1 / 2  
May 21, 2013   #4
The second "nemesis" essay is an allusion to many scenes in the Republic. The dream is the cave, the torch is the Piraeus.

I think I am going to go with the second one though. Thank you for all of your help.


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