Finally stepping out of my comfort zone- help with my motivational statement for Peace corps!

English is not my native language, so I'm aware my grammar or composition is not on point, but any help is welcome!

At least one person has answered the question "what do you want to do when you grow up?" With a simple but expected response such as to help people. Well I'm one in thousands or even millions of people who want to do exactly the same. Moving to America at 13 years old, I never envision myself joining the Peace Corps. In multiple occasions, I remember visiting Peru and seeing many international volunteers helping my own community. This could have been simply Peace Corps volunteers or missionaries, I did not recall; but it was at that right instant that I knew I was meant for that kind of job.

Living in the United States gave me the opportunity that many of my classmates, friends and family back home did not. I decided to pursue a career in the health field focusing in nutrition; I believe nutrition plays an important role in prevention and management of chronic diseases. I knew that I had to start small but always thinking big; I began by volunteering in local pantries then mentoring youth about the impact of media on the way we eat, providing workshops about healthy eating, and the importance of physical activity to parents and currently working in a non-profit agency. These experiences served as teaching tools and fundamentals for my future goals.

With time, along with great volunteering experience and some traveling; my sense of social awareness has grown as well as my ability to actively engage in larger and more diverse communities. At this moment I find myself ready to undertake a new change in life by joining the Peace Corps. This opportunity will not only give me the chance to travel and learn from different cultures, but it will help me get out of my comfort zone and make a real difference in the world, no matter how big or small.

I'm aware that working with the Peace Corps will have its challenges. From working with a new community, adapting to their culture and customs to finding myself alone and with no family or friends to turn to when I have a problem. I know it will be tough but it's doable, I see myself with an advantage since I already went through what most volunteers will face once they are placed in their host country. Breaking the stigma of the "outsider" can be another hard task but easily achieved by building trust with the local people. I think the only way to do so it's by building trusting relationships, being respectful and completely embrace myself into their way of life.

I know whatever it's thrown in my path, no matter how difficult or painful it will be, I know it will be worth it. It will be a huge privilege to serve for the Peace Corps, not only because it will offer me the greatest opportunity of my life, but because I know that my involvement will make a difference in someone's life.

The essay prompt is quite unclear, do provide a better prompt so I can fully understand what you are writing about.

From your essay, you lost me because your essay seems to be quite unclear to me. At a point I can see you are already a member of the peace corps and at some other point you seem to be an aspiring member.

Revisit your essay and make it clearer. I hope to read your revised response then we will work on your grammar usage.

P.S: My initial feedback was lost but this particular feedback is just a summary of what I wrote originally

Marilu, your essay has the beginnings of a strong discussion as to why you were motivated to join the Peace Corps. However, I am not clear as to how you came to the conclusion at the age of 13, when adult ambitions have yet to be finalized in the eyes of a child, that joining the Peace Corps for 2 years of your adult life if the profession you would want to have. Try to add some sort of remarkable or memorable impact that your interaction with Peace Corps volunteers at that time had on you. By the way, remove the uncertainty from the statement. Make sure that you say Peace Corps volunteers, leave the missionaries out of it. If you are not sure about who and what you saw, the reviewer will not be confident in your application presentation because you may not really have been influence by the Peace Corps.

Make sure that you integrate a reference to the 3 goals of the Peace Corps in relation to your goals for wishing to join the troops. It is important that you show a clear understanding of what the goals of the organization are and the demands that will you be called upon to address using the limited skills, equipment, and support available to you in your country of assignment. Just feeling confident that you have background to survive is not enough. You have to show the reviewer that you can survive 2 years in the harshest living conditions, not just tell him.

Finally, looking forward to leaving your comfort zone is not what joining the Corps is all about. You have to be sure that your motivation contains references to the way that you are physically, emotionally, and intellectually prepared for the challenges you are about to face. For example, if you have experience as a mountain climber, advanced camping skills, and even, the ability to speak multiple languages, these are all traits that will help the reviewer believe that you just might be able to survive 2 years without the most basic necessities and modern world connections that your assignment will bestow upon you.

Try to adjust the content of the statement to show that your motivations are supported by your skills and ability to adapt in the harshest environment, the essay is a bit shaky when it comes to supporting that portion of your statement.