'first inspiration came from my father' - U OF T APPLICATION

I am applying to The University Of Toronto and i need help on my essay
ESSAY QUESTION
Please write a brief essay that answers the following questions.

What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?

Here is what i have written:

My first inspiration came from my father who is an electrical electronics engineer. I Have always been inspired by his unique skills which he applied to life, and i recognized that his ideology to life and his mannerism was different from most peoples'.So on this note i chose right from my young ages to see my father as my role model, and this initially influenced my pursuit for engineering as a degree. As i matured both in age and personality, i discovered that i expressed some skills which tended towards the engineering profession, for example; If someones bicycle was broken i found myself always being called to help fix it, and in most cases i ended up fixing the bicycles. With time i became not only a handy man who was pretty good with fixing and assembling things, but i also became very interested in science and wanted to know more about some issues like " Why Electricity can produce Images on a Television?" and with time i came into realization of those questions. These self discovery issues further inspired me to pursue engineering as a degree.

I would like to study at the University of Toronto because it is home to many centres of research and teaching excellence. It has lots of great clubs in which i am interested in like; Campus for Christ at U of T, Active Minds at University of Toronto and so on. i would like to contribute in the Campus for Christ at U of T because, i'm really involved in sharing the gospel of Christ to my peers and it would be a good and welcoming environment for me as i would be welcomed by fellow people who share the same passion as i do.l would be very active in the club and would produce results in their activities. I would also like to be in the Active minds club because i would be in an environment which stimulates active minds and so i would be able to task my mind to produce great results. Also U of T offers a large and diverse range of people from different parts of the world and so i would be able to meet new personalities and hence would be able to develop new and positive ways of thinking.

PLS I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF I COULD GET REVIEWS ON THIS ESSAY INDICATING MY MISTAKES, AND ALSO I HAVE DONE LOTS OF EXTRA CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES, LIKE BASKETBALL, SWIMMING, FOOTBALL, SOCCER,etc. SO I AM CONFUSED ON HOW TO REALLY ANSWER THE LAST QUESTION: "What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?" I'M NOT EXACTLY SURE ABOUT WHAT THEY REALLY WANT ME. IT WOULD BE VERY NICE IF I CAN GET HELP ASAP

I really like the examples you give like how you're quite the handyman and clubs you'd be interested in. As for explaining what you've learned from extra-curricular activities, try to stay away from the overused hard-work, dedication, ect. even if they are the easiest routes to follow. Maybe discuss how sports have led to quick thinking and decision making under pressure or something more original like that.

The biggest problem is the lack of capitalization of I's when you're referring to yourself. A few others: No semicolon after like. I would just write like the Campus for Christ... and not include the University of Toronto after each club. Also, "I came to understand the answers to these questions" would probably work better than "I came into realization to."

Overall, good job answering the question thoroughly. Hope this helps!

thank you very much, :)

Hey Tito, my only suggestion on your answer would be to change, "sharing the gospel of Christ," to "engaging fellow students in meaningful spiritual conversation." As a Christian, I understand what you mean and share your passion, but to a non-Christian reading your essay, your statement might be confusing.

Also, I am a staff advisor with Campus for Christ at U of T, so let me know if you want to get connected when you arrive. My email is archie.kenyon@c4c.ca. Also, if you have trouble finding us, it may be because we're changing our club name to Power to Change. God bless.