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"my first time at the flea market" - Cornell College of Arts & Sciences : Economics



KHuang28 4 / 7  
Dec 26, 2010   #1
Cornell College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.


I faintly remember my first time at the flea market. However, instead of a shopping spree, my father and I were vendors on a business trip. I was about six years old when I saw the wads of money he was holding. In reality, it was not that much, but at six it appeared to be millions. At age eleven, my father gave me my own stand. I had bracelets, lighters, lasers, and all sorts of goodies. I sat there admiring all these cool things, but I wasn't prepared for the bombardment of people that would storm my little stand. At first, it was too much for me too handle. I had to take the money from the little girl, make change for the lady, bargain with the teenager, and still make sure that the little boy did not take anything without paying. Each time was easier than the previous. I began to master the art of business. There were so many factors to consider in order to succeed: prices, appearance, weather, expenses, season, etc. I was fascinated by the preparation required to keep a successful business. I was also intrigued by how advertising affected sales so strongly. However, what was most interesting was the approach I had to take with each specific customer. Whether it would be pushiness, humor, or flattery, each customer's personality required a special way to persuade. I was hooked into the world of business.

At Cornell's College of Arts & Science, I will major in Economics, the most popular major in the Arts College. Economics at Cornell is especially appealing because of the wide range of courses it has. I'll get to take classes like Game Theory, Economy of China, and Behavioral Economics. I am excited and hope to have a chance to learn everything I can from the 30 members of the Department of Economics. Experiences with the flea market began my fascination of business, and Cornell will undoubtedly carry on this interest into the real business world.

Benn_Myers 8 / 45  
Dec 26, 2010   #2
First off I would clarify your fathers interaction with the flea market, was he a customer or a owner? Its not a huge deal but it left me feeling a little confused at the beginning of your essay which is never a good way to open up.

Besides this I would re-examine your conclusion. Its good in that it is specific, shows interest, and ties you as a person to the school, but it completely lacks emotional appeal. You have an interesting and kind of cute anecdote to run with and I feel like you could very easily tie it into your conclusion to make it more personal, emotional, and lasting. Focus on appealing to pathos there and your essay will be much more satisfying and powerful to read.

Good luck!
OP KHuang28 4 / 7  
Dec 26, 2010   #3
THANK YOU for your previous criticism..please take a look at some of my changes..id really appreciate it..
bluedolphinz 4 / 24  
Dec 26, 2010   #4
Don't you have 500 words to talk about this? I would advise expanding it to the word limit, because I love your experience with the flea market.


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