I chose this topic: "Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence" and combined it with this topic "evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you." Any feedback is appreciated! I feel a bit uncertain about this essay. Do you think my voice and diction is strong enough? Are there any grammar/spelling mistakes?
My Essay:
Mrs. Gearhart has always been one of those spunky teachers who everyone (including me) loves dearly. Throughout my high school career she has become more than just a Spanish teacher to me: she has become my friend, a role model, and my confidante when I am feeling troubled. From when I had back surgery to when my friend was sick, I could always turn to her. Our relationship has grown immensely, as with each experience we have became closer.
Our closeness has made us astute to each other's emotions; we always know what's going in each other's heads. That's why on one of the mornings before we left school for summer break I could tell something wasn't right. When I went to make my daily visit to her classroom, her usually spirited eyes were lidded and her hands held to her chest. I could tell that she was holding something in and that it was my turn to be the confidante in our relationship. I'll never forget the haziness in her eyes in that moment; they held an emotion told as much by silence as by speech. The crack in her voice as she told me that she had been diagnosed with stage III breast cancer sent a jolt through my body. I hugged her as tight as was possible, afraid that if I let go I would lose her to the poison growing inside her. I pulled myself together, however, because I knew that I had to be as strong for her as she had always been for me. I knew I couldn't stop the cancer, but I knew that I would be able to ease her pain.
Each day that I went to visit her in her classroom I was sure to bring her a gift. On the last day of school I brought in a special gift for her-a Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. It had always been her favorite plant as its flowers change colors as they open. The colors are different for each day: Yesterday's flower was purple, today's is lavender, and tomorrow's will be white. When I gave her the plant I told her that she would have a brighter tomorrow, just like its flowers. This plant and its flowers held a special meaning for both of us-it represented how she would overcome her battle with cancer. After that day great news had come: her cancer was receding and she was healing fantastically.
Mrs. Gearhart has been a light in my life that has always shown through in the dark times. As time goes on, I've realized that she has taught me that I always have to keep moving forward, even when I'm faced with tough decisions. She's taught me that there is still many roads to travel, lessons to be learned, bridges to be burned, and letters to write. She has taught me that we all have something to keep fighting for and the harder the fight, the better the outcome.
My Essay:
Mrs. Gearhart has always been one of those spunky teachers who everyone (including me) loves dearly. Throughout my high school career she has become more than just a Spanish teacher to me: she has become my friend, a role model, and my confidante when I am feeling troubled. From when I had back surgery to when my friend was sick, I could always turn to her. Our relationship has grown immensely, as with each experience we have became closer.
Our closeness has made us astute to each other's emotions; we always know what's going in each other's heads. That's why on one of the mornings before we left school for summer break I could tell something wasn't right. When I went to make my daily visit to her classroom, her usually spirited eyes were lidded and her hands held to her chest. I could tell that she was holding something in and that it was my turn to be the confidante in our relationship. I'll never forget the haziness in her eyes in that moment; they held an emotion told as much by silence as by speech. The crack in her voice as she told me that she had been diagnosed with stage III breast cancer sent a jolt through my body. I hugged her as tight as was possible, afraid that if I let go I would lose her to the poison growing inside her. I pulled myself together, however, because I knew that I had to be as strong for her as she had always been for me. I knew I couldn't stop the cancer, but I knew that I would be able to ease her pain.
Each day that I went to visit her in her classroom I was sure to bring her a gift. On the last day of school I brought in a special gift for her-a Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow. It had always been her favorite plant as its flowers change colors as they open. The colors are different for each day: Yesterday's flower was purple, today's is lavender, and tomorrow's will be white. When I gave her the plant I told her that she would have a brighter tomorrow, just like its flowers. This plant and its flowers held a special meaning for both of us-it represented how she would overcome her battle with cancer. After that day great news had come: her cancer was receding and she was healing fantastically.
Mrs. Gearhart has been a light in my life that has always shown through in the dark times. As time goes on, I've realized that she has taught me that I always have to keep moving forward, even when I'm faced with tough decisions. She's taught me that there is still many roads to travel, lessons to be learned, bridges to be burned, and letters to write. She has taught me that we all have something to keep fighting for and the harder the fight, the better the outcome.
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