George's Secret Key / "Aerospace Engineering goal"; PURDUE App

Prompt: Describe how you will use your Purdue education to achieve your personal and professional goals.

It was by pure chance that I stumbled upon the children's book George's Secret Key to the Universe at my local bookstore in 2007. With my godfather beckoning me to "get a move on", I picked it up in a rush and proceeded to the cashier, not knowing that it would open a new door later on. The cleverly outlined and detailed explanations that introduced outer space to children opened a new area for me to invest my free time in. Interest turned into passion and five years later, I decided to become an Aerospace Engineer so I can serve aboard the International Space Station (ISS).

By taking up Further Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry at the British A-Level, I have been able to nourish my passion for outer space. Additionally, I constantly pursue my interest in physics by reading The Universe in a Nutshell and science journal, New Scientist, in order to set a strong foundation for Astronautical Engineering.

While I acknowledge that becoming a qualified astronaut is an extremely complex professional goal, I also understand that the steps I must take to achieve it are many, and being admitted into Purdue is just the first step.

If I get admitted into Purdue, I plan to use the computer programming science selective-in combination with the other courses I am required to complete in the First-Year Engineering Programme-to maximal effect in order to improve my computational skills that will prove useful in aeronautical communication aboard the ISS.

Through reading and research, I have developed an idea of integrating explosively pumped flux compression generators into propusion systems that will maximise efficiency for space expeditions, and Purdue's i2i Learning Laboratory promises a great opportunity for me to explore-and attempt to develop this idea. The hands-on experience an engineering undergraduate receives at Purdue's Engineering department offers is one of the many reasons why Purdue's Aerospace programme is ranked fourth in the USA and I feel that the rigor and depth of the course will help me stand out when I graduate.

Furthermore, by collaborating with the vast international community that thrives within the West Lafayette campus, I aim to share and develop new ideas with many like-minded students and get a broader perspective on the world around me.

1) Any suggestions for a good conclusion? A bit stuck here.

Thanks in advance.

I am particularly impressed with your third body paragraph about mention a specific area where you would like to work on. I am pursuing Aerospace myself!

For your conclusion, you would want to tie it with your introduction. So may be with Space station aspect or the book that inspired you so that essay maintains cohesiveness.

The second paragraph needs improvement and it isn't delivering "the bang". Firstly, you would want to change- "By taking up Further Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry at the British A-Level, I have been able to nourish my passion for outer space ". Make it a lit more elegant. For ex I would write it this way-

"I've been enthralled by math and sciences throughout my high school years and this has not helped me nurture my interest in aerospace but also make more adept in comprehending the more perplexing challenges of the field "

if you want to keep it as it is, then again, please substitue "Further mathematics" to advanced mathematics or engineering mathematics and also please do not start sentence with a pronoun like "by". I remember my teachers and friends telling me to avoid such colloquial grammar!

I appreciate the humbleness you depict through out! I guess this may be your first of many drafts so best of luck!

Thank you so much for your feedback.

I have written another draft of my essay and was hoping if you could point out any areas that need improvement.

Ever since I lay my hands on George's Secret Key to the Universe, in 2007 as a 12-year-old, I have been fascinated by outer space and the secrets that it holds. The book with its cleverly outlined and detailed explanations of things "out of this world" opened up a new area of interest for me.

Interest gradually turned into an abiding passion and keeping abreast of the latest discoveries and developments in outer space research, I eventually started picturing my ambition take shape - aerospace engineering! My ultimate goal? To serve on the International Space Station (ISS)!

I realize it is a very lofty goal and I am also aware that becoming a qualified astronaut requires years of hard work and dedicated study. I've been enthralled by math and sciences throughout my high school years and this has not only helped me nurture my interest in aerospace but has also made me more adept in comprehending the more perplexing challenges of the field.

As a first step towards realizing my dream job, I am seeking admission to Purdue. If I gain a place at Purdue, I plan to use the computer programming science selective in combination with the other courses I am required to complete in the First Year Engineering Programme to maximal effect in order to improve my computational skills that will prove useful in aeronautical communication.

After reading a lot about aerospace, I have been considering the possibility of integrating explosively pumped flux compression generators into propulsion systems that could possibly maximize efficiency for future space expeditions, and Purdue's i2i Learning Laboratory will provide an ideal opportunity for me to explore and attempt to further develop this concept. Opportunities such as science fairs and Science Olympiads are unavailable in my school and as a result, I have only been able to feed my insatiable curiosity about outer space by reading science journal New Scientist and the NASA website. Currently, I am attempting The Universe in a Nutshell.

The hands-on experience an engineering undergraduate receives at Purdue's Engineering department is one of the many reasons why I feel that the rigor and depth of the course will help me distinguish myself in my chosen field of study.

Besides academics, my involvement in the Duke of Edinburgh Award programme has helped me understand the importance of teamwork and giving back to society. Since the programme involved going on expeditions, it has also instilled in me a sense of adventure as well as broadened my outlook on life.

Furthermore, embarking on the World Challenge 2012 community service trip to Kerala, India, opened my eyes to lack of proper facilities such as computers and lights for primary schools.

Through these experiences, I have learnt that contributing to the betterment of one's life is the most satisfying feeling ever and by studying Aerospace Engineering, I hope to contribute significantly to practical outer space research.

Moreover, the opportunity to interact with like-minded people from different countries is one of the factors that made me choose Engineering as a career and if admitted into Purdue, I plan to gain a broader perspective of the world around me by collaborating with the vast international community that thrives within the West Lafayette campus.

In summary, my school education, extra-curricular programmes and the one book that started it all have helped me develop my interests further and have, effectively, shaped my aspirations of being an aerospace engineer and more. Therefore, I strongly feel that the faculty and facilities in the Engineering department at Purdue will help me cultivate these ambitions.

Your essay clearly shows your interest in aeronautical engineeering and is very well written.
"If I get admitted into Purdue, I plan to use the computer programming science selective-in combination with the other courses I am required to complete in the First-Year Engineering Programme-to maximal effect in order to improve my computational skills that will prove useful in aeronautical communication aboard the ISS. "

this part seems like it isnt really needed because the people at Perdue already know your interest and major, maybe you can change it to how you will use those skills later on with a dream job or something that shows ambitions