'never give up' Uw-Milwaukee - life experiences, talents, commitments and(or) interest

All my life, I grew up with a very supportive family who pushed me to do my best in everything I perused, every sporting event, graduation or play I participated in they were there watching and ready to critique if need be. The more support I received the better I wanted to be. I never wanted to let my parents down, this philosophy really made me think 'what more can I do, what other activities can I join?' so, I looked into Link Crew, a group that helps freshman transition into high school, I really liked the concepts of it so I decided to apply. A few weeks later I received a confirmation letter saying I was denied, they just had too many people and I didn't make the cut. I was disappointed with myself, what could I have done better. After a year of contemplating I decided I was going to try again, I was going to take as long as I needed to fill out the application form, and of course it paid it off. I received the acceptance letter with great joy, and this time it wasn't to please my parents, it was an accomplishment for myself. After a while, I realized, the way my parents pushed me made me push myself, and to never give up on something I really want. This mentality will go with me through college, to not pick the "easy path" when a different option will pay off in the end, even if it may be a challenge. The support my family gave me also made me realize the commitment you must have to achieve anything great in life, having my own commitment to my softball and basketball family made me put my talents in front of, and more important, than the parties I could have attended, the stupid choices I could have made. To me making a commitment doesn't mean sneaking around and hoping you don't get caught; it's being true to yourself, teammates, coaches and family to hold the promises you have made and to put the "fun" aside and put your teammates, friends and family first. Therefore, the particular talents and commitments I will bring to Milwaukee is: to never give up, always keep commitments and promises, and last but not least, always put others before myself.

everything I perused (pursued), every sporting event, graduation or play I participated in they were there watching and ready to critique if need be.(sentence structure is wrong. try to break it into two.

Overall, I think you essay is good , but there are some places where it feels disconnected from what it succeeds.Like in last, you mentioned to put other above you, yet in the essay you never alluded to any such event. Try to link the conclusion to the major point in you essay - that is to push yourself and make a commitment.

Hope it helps.

good comments by sarthakjain!


... Improve presentation of this idea;
All my life, I grew up with a very supportive family who stood by me and motivated me to reach my goals, be it academics, sports or even drama. They always provided encouragement and constructive criticism that kept helping me excelling in my performance.


A few weeks later I received a letter rejecting my application .


... sounds a bit too descriptive. Skim the core and write a shorter sentence!