"my goal is to become an Esthetician" - Educational and Career Goals Essay

*Make a brief statement or summary of your educational and career objectives and long-term goals along with the steps you will take to achieve them.

I'm writing an essay for a scholarship and this is one of the assignments. I'd like any adivce. Don't really know if I answered the topic correctly?

It is my life-long goal to become an Esthetician. Since very early in my life, I have been attracted to the beauty industry. Becoming someone capable of helping individuals in ways that is not possible with other careers would bring me so much joy and honor. I would love to attain a career that allows me to share and express my passion and artistic abilities with the public. To achieve my goal, I have researched many schools and found that Marinello School of Beauty has the programs I am looking for. By attending, it will allow me to pursue my dream of having the power of being able to transform and improve a person's appearance and self-confidence. With the knowledge I would learn, I would gain a career I would love and enjoy for the rest of my life. I know that this school will transform me into the successful professional that I know I can be. Using the skills I acquired, I would be eligible to work at any spa or salon I desired. Therefore, I am excitingly willing to participate in the necessary education and training which are needed to complete for my career. I am very committed to fulfilling my dreams and as so, I will push myself in all the ways to succeed and graduate so that I may fulfill my educational and career goals and be a proud part of the beauty industry.

As a matter of fact, you're essay is nice. I have a little correction maybe you unchecked it, right?

I am very committed to fulfillingfulfill my dreams and as so, I will push myself in all the ways to succeed and graduate, so that I may fulfill my educational and career goals and be a proud part of the beauty industry.

thank you!

It is my life-long goal to become an Esthetician. ----Hmmm... I think you can do better. Lifelong means something different, usually... like, for a whole lifetime. I don't really like it when an essay starts with, "I have always been.." etc.

Since very early in my life, I have been attracted to the beauty industry. Becoming someone capable of helping individuals in ways that is not possible with other careers would bring me so much joy and honor. ---- I like this part, even though it says, "Since early in my life..."

I would love to attain a career that allows me to share and express my passion and artistic abilities with the public. ---nic, it gets better and better.

By attending, it will allow me to pursue my dream of having the power of being able to transform and improve a person's appearance and self-confidence. Don't say "By attending," and ... I like the idea of improving people's confidence! Very cool...

You know, you should continue the theme of building people's confidence. You should develop the idea, and incorporate other interests. For example, you will be kind of like a counselor for people, and probably you will be good at listening and giving advice. Get more specific with your vision of the future. :-)