Hi! I really need help editing my essay, especially because it's due tomorrow! I've been working on it for a really long time, but I just can't get the flow right. Also, under the common app, I'm debating on whether I should put this as topic of my choice, under the ethical dilemma section, or under the experience that changed me. Please help! And don't be afraid to give harsh criticism!
So here it is:
I never expected to be on a golf course without golf clubs, yet there I was, doing the unordinary on an otherwise typical Friday night. I was with my best friends as usual, yet they were lying in front of me on the tee off of Hole 12.
"Lie down."
"Wait...what?"
"Come on. Lie down."
Instinct told me this was a joke, for they looked very out of place. (As you can imagine, two teenagers lying on a golf course at nine pm is a strange sight indeed). I scanned their faces to determine what their true intentions were, but there was no humor in their eyes. Instead, their eyes were intensely focused on something in the distance. Curious, I plopped down next to them and followed their gazes. I soon realized they were captivated by the sky.
It was so beautiful that night. The absence of clouds allowed for hundreds of stars to twinkle brighter than I had ever seen before. The full moon, with its different shades of white and yellow, was stunning against the dark blackness of the night.
The most beautiful part of the night though, was the serenity I felt. Surrounded by nature and in the close comfort of my best friends, I had never felt more at peace with myself. It was as if I had been transported into a different world, one where I wasn't worrying about my AP Literature paper I still hadn't completed or the chores that were waiting for me at home. As I gazed up at the stars, I could see my dreams and hopes mapped in the consolations. I saw a doctor in a lab, trying to find a cure for Parkinson's disease. I saw a smiling lady, bowing as she received a standing ovation after her solo piano concert. I saw myself.
Suddenly, I felt the pressure of a hand on my shoulder. My meditation was interrupted.
"Tiffany, it's 10 o'clock. We need to go."
On the ride home with cars whizzing by, it struck me that I was back in the fast-paced reality of society where present responsibilities tend to take control of our lives. Before we know it, we lose sight of our hopes and goals for the future. The rush of life tends to be overwhelming, and every now and then, we need to stop and think about what's truly important in life. We need to trust our friends, lie back, and let our dreams play out in the stars. We need to find a place where our lives don't interfere with our dreams, but rather, a place where our dreams lead our lives. I found my place on Hole 12.
Whenever I get the chance, I venture back to the golf course with my best friends. Without hesitation, I lie down, open my eyes, and immerse myself in my thoughts. Every now and then, a shooting star races across the sky, assuring me anything is possible. I just have to keep dreaming.
So there you have it. I hope it didn't suck too much. Please don't copy it or anything like that! Thanks!
So here it is:
I never expected to be on a golf course without golf clubs, yet there I was, doing the unordinary on an otherwise typical Friday night. I was with my best friends as usual, yet they were lying in front of me on the tee off of Hole 12.
"Lie down."
"Wait...what?"
"Come on. Lie down."
Instinct told me this was a joke, for they looked very out of place. (As you can imagine, two teenagers lying on a golf course at nine pm is a strange sight indeed). I scanned their faces to determine what their true intentions were, but there was no humor in their eyes. Instead, their eyes were intensely focused on something in the distance. Curious, I plopped down next to them and followed their gazes. I soon realized they were captivated by the sky.
It was so beautiful that night. The absence of clouds allowed for hundreds of stars to twinkle brighter than I had ever seen before. The full moon, with its different shades of white and yellow, was stunning against the dark blackness of the night.
The most beautiful part of the night though, was the serenity I felt. Surrounded by nature and in the close comfort of my best friends, I had never felt more at peace with myself. It was as if I had been transported into a different world, one where I wasn't worrying about my AP Literature paper I still hadn't completed or the chores that were waiting for me at home. As I gazed up at the stars, I could see my dreams and hopes mapped in the consolations. I saw a doctor in a lab, trying to find a cure for Parkinson's disease. I saw a smiling lady, bowing as she received a standing ovation after her solo piano concert. I saw myself.
Suddenly, I felt the pressure of a hand on my shoulder. My meditation was interrupted.
"Tiffany, it's 10 o'clock. We need to go."
On the ride home with cars whizzing by, it struck me that I was back in the fast-paced reality of society where present responsibilities tend to take control of our lives. Before we know it, we lose sight of our hopes and goals for the future. The rush of life tends to be overwhelming, and every now and then, we need to stop and think about what's truly important in life. We need to trust our friends, lie back, and let our dreams play out in the stars. We need to find a place where our lives don't interfere with our dreams, but rather, a place where our dreams lead our lives. I found my place on Hole 12.
Whenever I get the chance, I venture back to the golf course with my best friends. Without hesitation, I lie down, open my eyes, and immerse myself in my thoughts. Every now and then, a shooting star races across the sky, assuring me anything is possible. I just have to keep dreaming.
So there you have it. I hope it didn't suck too much. Please don't copy it or anything like that! Thanks!
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