I was wondering if any of you would be willing to read over, critique, and/or help me polish my college application essay to the University of Florida. Are there any grammatical errors? Is it clear and precise? Does the conclusion end on a weak note? If, so any suggestions with how to improve it? Any and all suggestions will be greatly appreciated.
This is the topic for the essay:
"In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school. " 500 words
My mother has always told me that I have to get a good education so I would not have to go through the same problems she did. Ever since I was a little girl my single-parent family has experienced pecuniary difficulties. My family's financial problems cut some aspects of my childhood short. I realized that most people aren't fortunate enough to get everything handed to them. I realized that a lot of people work exceedingly hard and barely earn enough to get by. I realized that the only way to become successful and ,in my cases, not have to go through the difficulties my mother experienced everyday, was to study hard and get good grades. I had to learn, at an early age, how to ration my time into studying, socializing, and babysitting my little brother while my mother worked. I alone had to be responsible for doing my homework, studying, and getting good grades because my mother was too busy working double shifts to motivate me.
At times it was extremely difficult but, I learned the necessary skills to balance my time efficiently. I learned to ignore distractions. I would study for tests and have memorable experiences with my friends and family instead of going to high school parties and caving in to peer pressure. I am ashamed to say that, sometimes, I have chosen to hang out with my friends instead of studying for a big Advanced Placement test. The grade i received on that test just reinforced the fact that the extra time with my friends was not worth putting my chance to get into a prestigious college on the line. I understand that my education is critical and is the most important reason I am attending college.
I am proud to say that from my experience I have learned to become a thriving student. The fact that University of Florida has one the nation's most renowned medical departments is what drew me in, and UF is now my number one choice. I believe the struggles I endured have molded me into a well-rounded person and will help me succeed in the UF community. My determination and clear cut plan for the future is what makes me an excellent contribution to the campus community. I am certain that I will be an outstanding addition to the UF family.
This is the topic for the essay:
"In the space provided, please write a concise narrative in which you describe a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience or your contribution to the UF campus community. You may want to reflect on your family, your school or community activities, or your involvement in areas outside of school. " 500 words
My mother has always told me that I have to get a good education so I would not have to go through the same problems she did. Ever since I was a little girl my single-parent family has experienced pecuniary difficulties. My family's financial problems cut some aspects of my childhood short. I realized that most people aren't fortunate enough to get everything handed to them. I realized that a lot of people work exceedingly hard and barely earn enough to get by. I realized that the only way to become successful and ,in my cases, not have to go through the difficulties my mother experienced everyday, was to study hard and get good grades. I had to learn, at an early age, how to ration my time into studying, socializing, and babysitting my little brother while my mother worked. I alone had to be responsible for doing my homework, studying, and getting good grades because my mother was too busy working double shifts to motivate me.
At times it was extremely difficult but, I learned the necessary skills to balance my time efficiently. I learned to ignore distractions. I would study for tests and have memorable experiences with my friends and family instead of going to high school parties and caving in to peer pressure. I am ashamed to say that, sometimes, I have chosen to hang out with my friends instead of studying for a big Advanced Placement test. The grade i received on that test just reinforced the fact that the extra time with my friends was not worth putting my chance to get into a prestigious college on the line. I understand that my education is critical and is the most important reason I am attending college.
I am proud to say that from my experience I have learned to become a thriving student. The fact that University of Florida has one the nation's most renowned medical departments is what drew me in, and UF is now my number one choice. I believe the struggles I endured have molded me into a well-rounded person and will help me succeed in the UF community. My determination and clear cut plan for the future is what makes me an excellent contribution to the campus community. I am certain that I will be an outstanding addition to the UF family.