UC Essay #1: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations
General comments, it is a work in progress, and comments/opinions would be greatly appreciated :)
Growing up as an only child allotted me many advantages; I did not have to share my toys or my parent's attention with any brothers or sisters, nor did I have to compete for attention within my family. I had supportive and loving parents, as well as grandparents, who have always told me I could do anything I set my mind to. This phrase has set in over the years, and the encouragement it holds has never failed to inspire me. My mother is comparable to superwoman in the sense that she can do it all. She is opinionated, a trait that she and I both share, but she is also understanding and accepting of others, a trait that I am still learning from her. My father is a comedian, is his own sense of the word, and one of the most hard-working people I know. He is the first person to proofread all of my essays, and the first person to give me his honest feedback. He has instilled in me a passion for reading and writing, and sustains that passion by introducing me to his favorite authors and books.
I grew up in Martinez, which is a very small community, where I was surrounded by children that lived a similar life to my own. Everyone knew one another, and news traveled to the other side of town faster then you could drive there. In elementary school, my third grade teacher introduced me to the world of chapter books. Here, I found something that took me to another world, a place other than my small town, and the people I had grown up with my whole life. Mrs. Edmonds forever changed my life, and without her, reading, writing, and the English language would not be something I wish to pursue in college. Although my community is an amazing and supportive place to grow up in, most of my peers have one common goal: to move out of Martinez. I am similar to my peers in the fact that I too want to move out of Martinez, but more importantly, I want to move out of Martinez, go to college, and realize my goals. I am grateful for my small town, and for all the things it has given me. Without my mother, I would not aspire to be a well-rounded and caring individual. Without my father, I would not have discovered my passion for books and my passion for writing. Without teachers like Mrs. Edmonds, I would not have developed an appreciation for the English language and the adventure a book can take you on. These people that have surrounded me for my almost 18 years of living not only make up my community, but make up the individual I have grown up to be. They have shaped my passions and my dreams, and they have continually supported my growth as a person. Without these people, I would not be who I am today.
Word Count: 495
Good essay overall. However I think the school really wants to see more concrete examples of your interaction with your environment, either the people or some special situations you have that shape your personalities. Hope this makes sense...
thank you very much.. i agree, i am just having trouble getting there. thanks for the help!
My father is a comedian, is his own sense of the word, ---this is great!---and one of the most hard-working people I know.
I grew up in Martinez, which is a very small community, where I was surrounded by children that lived a similar lives to my own.
Everyone knew one another, and news traveled to the other side of town faster then you could drive there. :)
Here, I found something that took me to another world, a placeplaces other than my small town, and the people I had grown up with my whole life.
Mrs. Edmonds forever changed my life, and without her, reading, writing, and the English language would not be something I wished to pursue in college.
These people who have surrounded me for my almost 18 years of living not only make up my community...
:)
I have supportive and loving parents, as well as grandparents, who have always told me I could do anything I set my mind to.
My father is a comedian, is his own sense of the word, and one of the most hard-working people I know. He is the first person to proofread all of my essays, and the first person giving me his honest feedback.
Everyone knew one another, and news traveled to the other side of town faster then you could drive there.
Everyone knew each other, and news traveled to the other side of town faster then you can imagine. (For me, Is much better)
Here, I found something that took me to the another world, a place different than my small town, and the people I had grown up with my whole life. Mrs. Edmonds changed my life forever , and without her, reading, writing, and the English language would not be something I wish to pursue in college.
Although my community is an amazing and supportive place to grow up in, most of my peers have one goal : to move out of Martinez.
I am grateful for my small town, and for all the things it has given to me.
