Half of a Whole (death of twin brother) Personal Statement

Common App Personal Statement
Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

Loss comes in all shapes and sizes. It's just part of the human experience. In some ways I have encountered more substantial loss than others my age. Each loss has taught me how little control we have over life. And, reading the Roman philosopher Epictetus helped to crystallize my emotions. I suppose the fact that he wrote on stoic philosophy over 2000 years ago reveals how universal suffering is. And yet, it is still so individual.

I am a twin. Actually, I was a twin. I was the older twin. I beat him out of the womb by just over two minutes. Maybe the aggression and strength I had is what made me the one to survive. This comes with its own level of guilt. I carry this guilt everyday. My twin brother, Dario, died of Leukemia when we were just four years old. One thing I know about cancer is that it just takes and takes and takes until there is nothing left. While I don't have vivid memories of Dario because I was so young, the knowledge that he existed, the witnessing of the aftermath in my parents, and the sensitivity that I feel about the fragility of human experience carries forward to this day.

I am half of a whole. And every milestone- culminating the fifth grade, getting braces, applying to college- reminds me of my fractionated identity. There should be two graduation caps, two orthodontist appointments, and two acceptance letters. But there is only one. As I search to become whole, I feel a tug. A tug to be better, to work harder. A tug I can never quite explain but that reveals itself in many aspects of my character.Over the years, I have developed a self-drive unparalleled in my peers. I want to make myself the best I can possibly be. I do not live my life for just one person, but two. For some reason I will never know, I was chosen to continue living. I do not take this for granted. Accomplishing anything less than my best would simply be selfish.

Through the darkness that is life, I choose to see the light. Life is a mosaic of the good and bad, and it is up to us to determine the beauty of this mosaic. I choose to see the good. I choose to find the humor in every situation. I choose to not sweat the small stuff. I suppose I can account this light-hearted attitude to my brother's passing. If I chose to only focus on the tragedy, it would exhaust me. And for a while, it did. I grew up witnessing the effects of this sickness on my entire family. And it angered me. Every day, I would ask "why me? why us?" But one day I decided to stop looking at the situation negatively. I stopped worrying about the trivial moments and grasped every opportunity to laugh. Because the reality is that life is cruel. And if we don't laugh at life, it will eat us alive.

There comes a point where we must decide how much power to grant external forces. The way I see it, I could not control my brother's sickness, but I could control the way I let it shape me. As human beings, we have the ability to allow events to control us, or to learn from them and move on. Defeat is inevitable. Suffering is inevitable. But these demons are only as powerful as we allow them to be. As Epictetus once said, "it's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters." MV

Hi Mireya,

I'm very touched by this personal story, and it's really heartening to know that you became such a strong person because of it. Stylistically, I'd just like to point out that you should change variations in your sentence structures, because there is a considerable use of short/abrupt sentences. It would be more pleasing of you can spread those short sentences out for impact, and pepper along more complex sentences. Though, not to the extent that it becomes convoluted.

Story-wise, I'm blown away from the maturity of you being driven to excel, and to live in honor of your deceased twin. However, the paragraph that begins with 'Through the darkness that is life...', there is a lot of focus on the negative. There was also an opener, where you said you finally turned away from such anger and frustration to become a person who could laugh at life too, that is some place where you can inject a mini-story. Maybe tie in with the limited but joyful memories who you had with him when you two were still young. I know the darkness is there for dramatic effect, but you could bring light to an essay that is already heavy in meaning.

Finally, I'm a sucker for a great ending, and I think you have so much potential to leave a great impression on the reader. This shouldn't be done by an abrupt quote from this Greek philosopher, but instead end with something from you. Something that shows that you're in control of your demons.

All the best!

Cheerio,
Lightjade (Jamie L)

P.S. - I'd really appreciate it if you could spare a moment reading mine!

Mireya, this is a very good topic for your Central ID essay. However, I feel that there is in imbalance in the sense that you spent a lot of time dwelling on the fact that you are a twin rather than just presenting the fact that you were born as a twin, your twin died. That is the end of that. The build up for the essay should be after the death of your twin. Just skim over the way you felt incomplete during highlight events of your life because of the lack of a twin to celebrate with. Then immediately jump to how you eventually realized that you needed to use the death of your twin as a positive and inspiring force in your life. That will make the essay more interesting and relevant to the central topic of the development of your identity.