My main concern is that I sound cliche. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Here it goes:
PROMPT: Describe the world you come from and how it has affected you.
My parents have always taught me that through hard work and dedication to education, anything is possible. As I sought the complications of engaging in a conversation with the Vietnamese girl next to me, I heard the instructor announce my name in front of the classroom, "[My name]! Congratulations, you passed the quarterly ESOL* exam! You will be with Ms. Palermo's 8th grade English class starting next week." Going home that day, I could not wait to share the good news with my parents. They would be ecstatic to hear that I was learning English so quickly, especially since they had not been able to devote as much attention to my academics as they had in the past since they each started working two jobs. However when I got home, I realized that my parents' shift did not end until 11 P.M. And so like most days, I was alone at home eating frozen food for lunch.
That evening, while doing my homework in our family's small apartment porch, I had an epiphany. I realized that my parents had sacrificed themselves in pursuit of a better future for me. They knew that they would have to work tirelessly day and night when they immigrated here, but they came here anyway because they realized that this country could provide opportunities for me that that our home country could not provide. At that moment, I decided that I had to make the most of this opportunity and fulfill their dream of me becoming someone significant in life. That year, I took two honors classes and moved from ESOL English to regular English. By next year, I was taking all honors classes. My development academically is a testament to the hard work and dedication that I have devoted thanks to the lessons of my parents.
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-Adi M.
PROMPT: Describe the world you come from and how it has affected you.
My parents have always taught me that through hard work and dedication to education, anything is possible. As I sought the complications of engaging in a conversation with the Vietnamese girl next to me, I heard the instructor announce my name in front of the classroom, "[My name]! Congratulations, you passed the quarterly ESOL* exam! You will be with Ms. Palermo's 8th grade English class starting next week." Going home that day, I could not wait to share the good news with my parents. They would be ecstatic to hear that I was learning English so quickly, especially since they had not been able to devote as much attention to my academics as they had in the past since they each started working two jobs. However when I got home, I realized that my parents' shift did not end until 11 P.M. And so like most days, I was alone at home eating frozen food for lunch.
That evening, while doing my homework in our family's small apartment porch, I had an epiphany. I realized that my parents had sacrificed themselves in pursuit of a better future for me. They knew that they would have to work tirelessly day and night when they immigrated here, but they came here anyway because they realized that this country could provide opportunities for me that that our home country could not provide. At that moment, I decided that I had to make the most of this opportunity and fulfill their dream of me becoming someone significant in life. That year, I took two honors classes and moved from ESOL English to regular English. By next year, I was taking all honors classes. My development academically is a testament to the hard work and dedication that I have devoted thanks to the lessons of my parents.
---------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -------------------------------------------------
-Adi M.