Hard work was preferable to the expense of neglected morals and sore back - Ethical dilemma QB essay

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you. (500 word limit) *
(scholarship/admission essay)

An updated version...I'm under by about 30 words. Should I clarify anything?

Halfway through my busy shift, I reached down my back to massage the knot out with rough fingertips. I wasn't looking forward to the heap of dishes on the counter and I wondered why I ever took this job. After all, I was paid barely above minimum wage, I wouldn't be home till after 10 PM, and I'd be dog-tired. Then a waitress came into the kitchen with another armload of plates and smiled at me. "We just sat the last reservation, hang in there." I remembered one of the reasons I worked here. I initially took the dish washing job at Roma's, and the ones before it, because I didn't want to work at McDonald's. It wasn't a matter of pride and certainly not money; it was a matter of principle.

In seventh grade we watched the movie Super Size Me in health class. It's about a man who ate McDonald's for three meals a day for a month; he gained almost 25 pounds, got heart palpitations, mood swings, and liver damage. He also showed that their french fries contained so much preservatives that they don't rot...ever. I never willingly ate fast food again. I was a little overweight at that time and when I stopped eating fast food I got a little trimmer. I became conscious of my health and ate healthier and exercised more. I kept this up as I started high school. I lost more weight, gained more self confidence, and just enjoyed school more. I found after school activities I wanted to participate in but I couldn't because I had to ride the bus home. My mom agreed to help me pay for a car, but first I needed a job.

I saw McDonald's sign "Now hiring". But I knew I'd feel dishonorable smiling and serving people food that was so unhealthy. I applied at a few other places and again noticed McDonald's sign. This time reading "Now hiring $9 an hour". With minimum wage at $7, it was quite appealing. I talked to my mom about it and she supported whatever I did, so long as I earned enough for car payments and gas.

I thought it over, did the math, and found that a minimum wage job would be enough for a loan, insurance, and gas if I worked more than 17 hours a week. I had jobs at Safeway, Sanford's Grub and Pub, and an Italian restaurant, Roma's. Between each job, McDonald's was lurking with its alluring pay. I stuck to my decision and kept dish washing despite being diagnosed with mild scoliosis. Working at each of those places was definitely a strain on my back and eventually I had to quit Roma's as a result. I did learn that hard, honest work was preferable to the expense of neglected morals, even with a sore back and less pay.

This is a very important essay for me and any criticism would be appreciated.
I'm unsure if this clearly depicts the situation and its impact enough.

It starts off well, with your refusal to take a higher paying job because you disapproved of the product the company sold. You might want to leave this out, though:


This shows that your decision was also motivated by self-interest -- you thought that the intangible benefits of working elsewhere, such as concerned management and friendly coworkers, outweighed the extra earning potential. This is perfectly reasonable, but it is not an ethical issue per se.

Massaging the knot out of your back? Knot?


Dog-tired? I've never heard such a phrase.


What would be your definition of "normal" food. Why would this contribute to the fact that you stopped eating fast food.

It's a very common phrase.


I'm assuming because of the chemical preservatives, though the writer ought to say this directly.


Not necessarily. Poor treatment of workers could be one of many different critiques the writer had of the company. But, again, this would have to be stated explicitly.

English is full of surprises.

English *is* full of surprises. This is another one of those words that asyn got right. A muscle knot is a small area where a muscle constricts and causes pain. They can feel like hard bumps under the skin--"knots" in the fibrous tissue. Massage, heat, stretching, and rest can help the muscle relax.

It isn't really an idiom like "dog-tired," but it isn't' exactly medical terminology either. It is kind of like when people say that they have a "stitch" in their side from running, "brain freeze" from eating something cold too fast, or a "twisted" ankle.

Ah I give up haha.

Thank you for your feedback. Is there anything else in the content that I should amend besides being a little vague in those areas already mentioned? Also I wrote it without considering vocabulary too much. Are there any places that sound too boring and could do with some spicing up?

Also, how do you indent the first line of a paragraph in the text editor? The tab key doesn't work for some reason.