"a head for maps and delegation" - Common App Activity Essay - Duke of Edinburgh

Hey,
I've been working on this essay, the 150 word Activities essay on the common app, for some time. I've only reluctantly cut the content down to something reasonable for 150 words, so if it still loses flow from that, please tell. I'd also appreciate any comments on whether it's too personal/sentimental, or not enough. Thanks!

I can't claim to be charismatic, only to have a head for maps and delegation. Nonetheless, I am intensely proud of what I learned as the leader of our Duke of Edinburgh team. This manifested in minute-by-minute decisions, such as the team's walking order: a strong walker must set the pace in front, without leaving slower teammates behind.

While becoming used to such subtleties, I found that what made the expedition worthwhile was discovering facets of my teammates, and myself. People have unique responses to exhaustion, to numbed-cold fingers and blistered toes, but also to the spectacular: to the faint sighting of headlight-glows in blind, open darkness. In pain, I eventually fall to senseless, introverted endurance; yet I pushed those limits of awareness. More importantly, I found a heady love of adventure, of seeking out the amazing. These days I'll wear running shoes, shameless, under the most formal suits.

it's a nice essay since it actually shows how the experience changed you. However, I think there are some places where you could be a bit clearer. For example in the 1st para the line.

this manifested in minute-by-minute decisions, such as the team's walking order" sounds a little weird to me and in the second para i think it would sound better if you switched 'eventually' with 'usually' in the line, "In pain, I eventually fall to senseless, introverted endurance"

Hope this helps. =) And please review my common app essay if you have the time

This intro is pretty intriguing and cool! However, what do you mean by maps and delegation?

Well, this is some great, great writing. I wish you did not have to cut content, because it is confusing this way. 150 words is not a lot. I think the last thing for you to do is revise one sentence so that it answers all possible questions about what the point of this is. Most importantly, what are you referring to with maps and delegation, and what is the main message of the essay? The significance of running shoes? I think one perfectly written sentence could answer all questions by stating the main message of the essay.

:-)