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Want to get help on my Common Application Essay: an experience



Brezeck 1 / 5  
Oct 20, 2009   #1
Hi you guys. I'm new here and this is my first thread. I want all of you to help me look at my Commonapp essay. Any comment, just let me know.

thank you all first =)

The topic is to discuss an experience that is significant... i think you guys all know it.

=======================================

Like most adolescents, I cannot leave Google - I use Gmail, Google Maps, and even set iGoogle (a kind of customized web portal service by Google) as the home page of my browser. Everyday I say "Good morning" to Google and "Have a sweet dream". Google has already become an inseparable part of my life.

Google also has a service called Gtalk, one of the most popular instant messenger services in the world. I use it a lot because it is so convenient - I can talk with my friends from any corner of the world, when I am just regularly checking my inbox. However, one day when I was surfing the web, I found that the left column of iGoogle seemed so empty and missing something, while I had to talk with my Zimbabwe friend on Gtalk on another window. In a wink I realized that should Google utilize the blank space by putting a Gtalk widget on it, Gtalk would be more popular because every day there are millions of search queries via Google globally! I believed that change would benefit both Google and its users, facilitating our communications and bringing Google considerable market share.

Then, I took instant actions but met some barricades - I found nowhere to send my suggestions because Google did not have a special place for users to submit their advice. I posted entries in Google Groups, sent emails to several departments at Google, and even wrote to its CEO, Eric Schmidt. However, most of the emails got no reply and I only heard a "Thanks, but" from one departments. I did not give up but imitated Andy Dufresne, the protagonist in the Shawshank Redemption, by writing to the "generous" department weekly. Although every email I wrote became spam letters, I was not discouraged by the disregard, writing twice a week instead in order to see the result I deserve. To me, this action became more than making suggestions, but obstinate belief, and unbending resolution.

A year after I first wrote to Google, I got a reply from the department again. They said they did not cope with this issue but would forward my email to the relevant sector. About 2 months later, millions of Google users all over the world started to use Gtalk on their iGoogle pages. Is this harvest cultivated by me? Well, I do not know since I have not received any checks or thanks letters yet. I am still the cipher who logs on Google everyday. It seems that this encounter does not have any impact on my life, but Gtalk is happy to see the boom of users. But in fact, what I gain from this bittersweet experience is far more than changing how a giant corporate, Google, operates:

Keep moving.

Maojia Wang 1 / 8  
Oct 20, 2009   #2
Is this harvest cultivated by me? Well, I do not know since I have not received any checks or thanks letters yet.

It seems like your complaint. Maybe you should change the way of expressing. I mean a indirect way which can show your modesty and generous.

Anyway, you are really a creative guy~!
Good luck~!
vothiha 11 / 28  
Oct 20, 2009   #3
what a pity for you! you deserve repay for this idea. In IT, an good idea may be a priceless solution as your case
OP Brezeck 1 / 5  
Oct 20, 2009   #4
@Maojia Wang

wow man. this is a good suggestion! that is a hint... i think being humorous is helpful. thank you!

you might come from China, too.

Best lucks!

=========

@vothiha

ahhaa. never mind that. as i said in this essay. i never knew whether this harvest is cultivated by me :p

anyway, do you have any suggestions on my essay?

thank you!
Maojia Wang 1 / 8  
Oct 20, 2009   #5
Besides, I think you can say more about what you get from the experience so that people will consider you not only a creative, but also a good thinker.

By the way, I'm a gril. And could you please help me with my essay? Thanks a lot
OP Brezeck 1 / 5  
Oct 20, 2009   #6
thanks for the suggestion

and, no problem, i'm reading :]
EF_Stephen - / 262  
Oct 20, 2009   #7
but met some barricades

I think 'barriers' would go better here.

It is a good essay. Very nice experience, too. It shows that you are persistent, and when you are in college, you are going to need a lot of persistence.
OP Brezeck 1 / 5  
Oct 20, 2009   #8
@ Stephen

Thank you very much for the kind words :]

i'll just follow your suggestions.


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