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'Helping a woman' - an event that has changed your life - app essay



Dantheman100 2 / -  
Sep 6, 2008   #1
Prompt: Elaborate on an event that has changed your life.

As I walk through the doorway, I am immersed in a cloud of dust and debris. The room fills with the sound of wheezing and gasps for air. I look around at what used to be someone's home. Windows are shattered, furniture is scattered about the room, and the remnants of a life lye in disarray.

Outside, the picture is just as grim. I sigh as I walk through the downtown that had been devastated by the flood of 2008. As I proceed, I see unbelievable destruction. Every neighborhood resembles a war zone. Orange signs posted on doors state, "CONDEMNED" in bold lettering. Cars are scattered about, lifeless, and covered in filth. Piles of garbage line the streets. I stop to stare in awe at what used to be the center of my town. I pass the YMCA where I exercise. The massive two-story windows are shattered, and the brand new Olympic sized swimming pool are filled with appliances, furniture, and debris of all kinds. Thousands of homes...destroyed. Millions of dollars in damage caused...overnight. How could this have happened?

I often volunteer for worthy causes, but this is something extraordinarily different. When the water recedes, I am inspired to see how the community comes together. One day, I decide to work with my church group to help a single woman recover from the disaster. I arrive at the scene in the scorching weather. I wipe the sweat from my brow as I stare at the mass of destruction. I slide the pasty white respirator over my face and walk toward the home. Before I reach the doorway, I pass my friends who are comforting the woman. I expect to see her broken and despondent. However, I notice that she is smiling. I stand there bewildered. How can she be cheerful? Everything she owns is decimated. Her neighborhood has been washed away. I ponder this for hours as we attempt to clean the home.

As I strike the side of the home, pieces of the walls and pieces of a life fall all around me. We move load after load of rubble out the door, yet the woman continues to glow. I continue with my task, still pensive about the woman's disposition. When we finish, I ask her, "I couldn't help but notice that you have been smiling all day?" A large grin forms on her face as she speaks these words, "Why shouldn't I smile? I am the luckiest woman in the world." She approaches me in friendship and hugs me tight.

Later that night, I lie in my bed, pondering what the woman had said to me. I think about how the flood had changed the lives of thousands in my community. I had spent so much time feeling sorry for them, but I think I now understand something profound. No one could have foreseen this disaster, and no one person can fix it. In the wake of this cataclysm, the community is coming together in goodwill and companionship. The woman knows that we alone can't rebuild her home. We are just a group of kids from a local high school. However, I now see that, to the woman, the physical work is not the most important resource we provide. Instead, we help the woman in a deeper way by spending time with her; laughing, eating cookies, and simply showing her that we care.

EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Sep 6, 2008   #2
Windows are shattered, furniture is scattered about the room, and the remnants of a life lie in disarray.

Orange signs posted on doors state (Remove comma) "CONDEMNED" in bold lettering.

The massive two-story windows are shattered, and the brand new Olympic sized swimming pool is filled with appliances, furniture, and debris of all kinds.

The woman knows that we alone cannot rebuild her home.

Excellent work. I think your ending is very well written; it neatly ties up your essay and reinforces the underlying theme of your essay nicely. As for your title, how about something like "Community" or "Connected" as those are the two words that I believe best describe your essay in one word.
plaque08 - / 2  
Sep 6, 2008   #3
ok i have a general question if someone could help me...i went to a college for an interview and gave the interviewer a copy of my essay...now that i'm applying i;m sending the same essay but with some changes...the thing is the first copy had a semi-plagiarized conclusion and it was showing up on google...so i changed it for my app...are they going to notice? do they even look at that copy i provided in my interview? what if they do catch me?what will they do to me ?
plaque08 - / 2  
Sep 6, 2008   #4
refering to the above...will they compare the two ?
EF_Team5 - / 1583  
Sep 6, 2008   #5
Well, that depends on how plagiarized it is. If you were able to dig it up, chances are that they will be able to as well. If this is the same college, they could possibly compare the two. If you are the author of both of them, then there is no problem. If you are not the author of any of the passages found in either of the papers and the passage(s) are not properly cited, then it is considered plagiarism and if they do find it then there is a good chance that it will impact your chances of approval.

This is exactly why it is so important to make sure that any and all work that one submits is 100% original or properly cited.

I wish you the best.


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