SO just btw, writing essays on the beach helps. try it sometime :D
oh and help with mine?
A 50 on 50 in a history test! I was ecstatic. In the 7th standard, I had successfully memorised every little detail the pages of our textbook held on Mughal history, right from the precise number of stones used to build the Taj Mahal to the colour of 13 year old Akbar's boxers the day he made his first arrest- an unruly courtier. Once I was done boasting and rubbing it in my friend's faces, however, I felt no different from the boy I was before the exam. I had another A+ to add to the long string of identical letters on my report card and another full score to my name and yet, intellectually, I felt the same.
I was baffled. My brain now held 61 pages more information than it did a while ago. Shouldn't I feel smarter somehow? Shouldn't I feel like I had learnt something? My mind was now flooded with a barrage of frightening questions. Had I learnt nothing at all? Was I no smarter than who I was a year ago? Did all those near perfect grades even mean anything? The colour drained from my face - well maybe not literally, but my academic performance was a pretty big deal to me. It was based on those little red letters that I had decided I was the smartest kid in all of 7th grade. The thoughts in my head began doing garba and in those few minutes, my entire outlook towards education changed.
The next morning, I walked into history class, my head filled to the brim with a multitude of questions. Every 2 minutes, my hand would shoot up, and each time my teacher's eyes widened further in surprise until I stopped purely because I didn't want to be responsible for them popping out. Although she seemed unable to answer too many of them and I had learnt nothing new about the Mughals I had, in fact, learnt something a lot more significant- how to learn.
Now, people often tire of my endless questions but it is my inquisitiveness that has spurred my intellectual growth. My changed outlook towards learning has helped me progress with each experience in my endless quest for knowledge.
Your first paragraph has some minor grammar errors
50 out of 50 on the history test! I was ecstatic. In the 7th grade?, I had successfully memorized every little detail the pages of our textbook held on Mughal history, right from the precise number of stones used to build the Taj Mahal to the color of 13 year old Akbar's boxers the day he made his first arrest- an unruly courtier. Once I was done boasting and rubbing it in my fiend's faces, however, I felt no different from the boy I was before the exam. I had another A+ to add to the long string of identical letters on my report card and another full score to my name and yet, intellectually, I felt the same.
The latter part of your essay is coherent, well written, flows well, and has good significance. I know someone personally on Stanford's admissions board. They want essay exactly like this.
The thoughts in my head began doing garba (what is that?) and in those few minutes, my entire outlook towards (delete the S) education changed.
The next morning, I walked into history class, my head filled to the brim with a multitude of questions. Every 2 minutes, my hand would shoot up, and each time my teacher's eyes widened further in surprise until I stopped purely because I didn't want to be responsible for them popping out. (Kind of gets a little confusing here, clear up with details of popping what out?)Although she seemed unable to answer too many of them and I had learnt (learned?) nothing new about the Mughals (?) I had, in fact, learnt something a lot more significant- how to learn.
oh god. it was supposed to read 'began dancing around'. garba is an indian dance form btw. i wrote it out of pure boredom and was planning on changing it.
