Topic: Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.
Plz comment on this!!
Everyone wants to do well and live well. Like everyone, I had a desire to become a good person with a great job. For me, my dream career was a dentist, a job that brings wealth. My dream was unstoppable in such a carefree surrounding, my homeland, Korea. However, when my family and I moved to America, the Land of Opportunity, things had changed. My parents, like many other immigrant parents, decided to move to this foreign country for their children's education. Everyone in my family had struggled to adapt and start a new life in America. However, it was not easy.
Teen year is when one's identity develops. However, I have spent my important five years of my teen year in this cold and foreign community where a Korean deceives another fellow Korean. Deception remains as a huge scar in my heart. Someone who we have trusted had taken my father's company, the only possible income in our household. He even went against us in the court, but we could not do anything. Because we did not have any power, money or relationship in this foreign land, we had to give up our only source of income. I was so furious that I could not do anything. Nothing. I was just an incompetent teenager. The anguish vanished after a long time, but left a huge scar that will never vanish from my heart.
I was able to decrease the flame of anguish through God who now is my Savior. Through Him, I have created relationship with many important and valuable people who have changed my life. Within my church, I found my peace in heart and started to change my attitude toward the world and myself. I was able to participate in NOAH with Children through which I found out that there are children who suffer and struggle through harder and more miserable circumstances than me. My mother began to work and my father found another job. Still, I live in scarcity financially. However, I still can make difference and improve other's life. Even though, my situation is miserable, there is always someone who is in worse situation.
Changing my life and viewpoint was extremely hard, but also gave me a valuable opportunity to prevent other's misfortune. It is not too late for me to prove that I am a capable person who can achieve my dream. I have a definite goal and I will accomplish my dream to prevent my future generation from suffering the same.
In the first paragraph, you specifically indicated your previous goal - "my dream career was a dentist, a job that brings wealth."
But after concentrating on your story in the body paragraphs, you didn't elaborate on your "definite goal."
I think you should tell more about your new goal and how the experience has shaped it.
As a Korean, I'm really sorry about what happened to you and your family.
I'm glad that you have overcome the hardship.
Good luck!
