Please critic heavily. Currently its roughly like 800 words. Cut it down and criticize.
My parents want me to hand it in...like in a few hours or so :P
Prompt (500 Word Max): Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.
The 'homo sapien' is a very interesting, yet complex creature. Although as humans we posses various similarities to the other creatures on this planet, we have our own distinct traits. Humans have qualities and tools that no other creature on Earth possesses. Of all the qualities humans have, the most powerful tool of them all; is the mind. Humans, for some unknown reason, are the only creatures on Earth that can think critically. The brain provides a paradigm for all aspects of human live. With the mind we can love, hate, build, and destroy. The brain allows for humans to reason, to problem solve, and to communicate. With the mind, a human can overcome the seemingly insurmountable obstacles of life. Even with all the capabilities of the human race, even with all the knowledge available to humans on this Earth, we are still perplexed by questions that cannot be answered. "Why do we act the way we act?" "Are we alone on this world?" "Where did we come from?" Questions like such that have never been answered, despite centuries and centuries of conjecture, and research. It is questions like such that provided the galvanized my interest in Anthropology. Anthropologists study a wide variety of aspects of human behavior that can be polarized into cultural anthropology and social anthropology.
I come from a strong cultural background. My family immigrated from Umunoha, in Imo State, Nigeria. Imo State is one of the 36 states in Nigeria, and the Igbo being the most spoken language in that area. I grew up with a strong African influence. Even though we were in the USA, my family made a point to introduce Nigerian tradition in all the first-generation Nigerian-Americans. From a small age, I took notice of how my family acted. I noticed that my family, and other Nigerians, possessed distinct similarities that contrasted the characteristics of the more American families of my friends. "Why?" I would ask myself. In grade school, I would wonder why everyone would sit with their perspective nationalities. For example the Hispanics would sit with the Hispanics, African-Americans sat with each other, Caucasians sat with each other, Asians with each other, etc. At the time these questions remained questions, as I was too young to understand the psychology behind such behavior.
It wasn't until high school that my mere speculations gestated into studying Anthropology. In the summer of 2007, I took a trip to Japan, with People to People Ambassador Program. In Japan I experienced first hand the Japanese culture. I became intrigued with the sociopsychological characteristics of the Japanese people. I saw the similarities and differences between Japanese people and American people. I learned that with all the differences between the cultures, the people in Japan shared a spate of similarities to not only Americans, but also my Nigerian/American family. People are all the same, despite the external distinctions in culture. Classes such as Chemistry, AP European History, AP American, AP Art History, and individual research in the school library better improved my skills and facilitated my interest in the social psychologies. I took challenging courses such as AP Physics/SAT Physics to also better prepare me for future college rigor. As high school progressed, I improved my reading and writing skills, and became more articulate in the linguistics, and natural sciences. With all the knowledge and tools I had by senior year, I still did not know what major to pursue. I began researching majors and schools, and came across the Anthropology major at Cornell College of Arts and Sciences. Cornell College of Arts and Sciences appealed to me, because of its vast professional faculty. There I would be taught, by only pure professionals who are proficient in their line of study. At Cornell I would be allowed access to prodigious research facilities, in lab and outside of the lab, so I can better study Anthropology, and obtain the most eclectic research experience. I am particularly interested in "Cultural Diversity and Contemporary Issues" and "Medicine, Culture, and Society" as those two classes seem to cover many of the scope of social psychology as it pertains to the modern world especially.
What I plan to do in the future is ambiguous, because truthfully I am ambivalent on what my future holds, but I do know that Cornell College of Arts and Sciences, is where I want to be. Although I may never be able to answer: "What is our purpose?" "Are we alone on this world?" "Where did we come from?" As an Anthropology major I will be able to answer the more mundane questions of society, such as why particular groups tend to formulate based on nationality, or why immigrants of similar background tend to live together, or why certain groups of people eat certain foods. The list goes on, majoring in Anthropology at Cornell College of Arts and Sciences l will satiate my appetite for knowledge in human behavior, and allow me the opportunity to excel in a variety of career fields.
Thanks for your advice! I'll try to cut your essay down a bit more, but I learned its fine if your essay is 600 words :)
Hope this helps!
Delete:
Anthropologists study a wide variety of aspects of human behavior that can be polarized into cultural anthropology and social anthropology. (I don't think a definition of you major is needed)
I learned that with all the differences between the cultures, the people in Japan shared a spate of similarities to not only Americans, but also my Nigerian/American family. People are all the same, despite the external distinctions in culture. (unnecessary)
As high school progressed, I improved my reading and writing skills, and became more articulate in the linguistics, and natural sciences.
Oh, if you can I posted another draft of my essay. Can you read it and tell me if its better?
Thanks
