At this point, grammar is not really important. My teacher will check that soon. I just hope you guys can give me comment based on the CONTENT of my essay. Please be as harsh as possible. Thank you!
There was silence in the car. My friend looked at me curiously. I looked her back but remain silent. My mother asked me to tell my friend what happened, why could not we go back to Hong Kong during summer. I opened my mouth and muted. I tried to say something, but nothing came out because even myself could not accept the fact that my mother had cancer.
When I was in Hong Kong, I was a princess, living in my munificent castle in my fancy world. My mother did everything for me; I had nothing to worry. I got whatever I wanted; I did not meet many adversities. Before I came to the United States, I was hoping for better life, getting into a good college, but reality was totally different from my dream. After the day I knew my mother had cancer, my world started to collapse. The castle in my imagination was reduced to rubbles. All those rubbles were resting on me, so heavy that I could not breathe. I looked at my mother's pallid face, the books on my desk, and the dishes in the sink. My mother's hair started to fall off and she looked sad everyday. I couldn't mange all the responsibilities and stresses, so I locked myself in the bathroom and cried.
That was the time when I heard the song "Stronger", which gave me hope and courage to stand up. I heard a little voice in me, telling me what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. I started to see a dim light in the darkness. I crawled out from the rubbles and realized they were made of immaturity and dependence. My mother was the buttress of my world; without her support, it could not stand by itself, and that was why it collapsed. After being protected for seventeen years, I wanted to take care of her. My mother had been striving hard for me; I wanted to be her candle to guide her through the distressing road of cancer.
In order not to make my mother worried about me, I took good care of myself and studied hard. I shared my everyday life with my mother and hugging her whenever I saw her, hoping my affection and care could give her strength to overcome cancer. Looking at her exhausted face every time after chemotherapy, I felt painful. But combing her newborn hair, I see hope. There is nothing to be afraid if we are going through it together.
All those moments I spent with my mother, made me love her more than I ever did. She is more than my mother; she is my best friend. I now look at my castle. It is not as fancy as the one before, but it is more rigid. It is made of new materials: endurance and bravery. I am not a princess anymore, but a builder. I can build the strongest castle in the world to protect myself and my loved one.
(499)
There was silence in the car. My friend looked at me curiously. I looked her back but remain silent. My mother asked me to tell my friend what happened, why could not we go back to Hong Kong during summer. I opened my mouth and muted. I tried to say something, but nothing came out because even myself could not accept the fact that my mother had cancer.
When I was in Hong Kong, I was a princess, living in my munificent castle in my fancy world. My mother did everything for me; I had nothing to worry. I got whatever I wanted; I did not meet many adversities. Before I came to the United States, I was hoping for better life, getting into a good college, but reality was totally different from my dream. After the day I knew my mother had cancer, my world started to collapse. The castle in my imagination was reduced to rubbles. All those rubbles were resting on me, so heavy that I could not breathe. I looked at my mother's pallid face, the books on my desk, and the dishes in the sink. My mother's hair started to fall off and she looked sad everyday. I couldn't mange all the responsibilities and stresses, so I locked myself in the bathroom and cried.
That was the time when I heard the song "Stronger", which gave me hope and courage to stand up. I heard a little voice in me, telling me what doesn't kill me makes me stronger. I started to see a dim light in the darkness. I crawled out from the rubbles and realized they were made of immaturity and dependence. My mother was the buttress of my world; without her support, it could not stand by itself, and that was why it collapsed. After being protected for seventeen years, I wanted to take care of her. My mother had been striving hard for me; I wanted to be her candle to guide her through the distressing road of cancer.
In order not to make my mother worried about me, I took good care of myself and studied hard. I shared my everyday life with my mother and hugging her whenever I saw her, hoping my affection and care could give her strength to overcome cancer. Looking at her exhausted face every time after chemotherapy, I felt painful. But combing her newborn hair, I see hope. There is nothing to be afraid if we are going through it together.
All those moments I spent with my mother, made me love her more than I ever did. She is more than my mother; she is my best friend. I now look at my castle. It is not as fancy as the one before, but it is more rigid. It is made of new materials: endurance and bravery. I am not a princess anymore, but a builder. I can build the strongest castle in the world to protect myself and my loved one.
(499)
