please comment and critique this essay I know that it isn't the strongest I have ever written so I need your critique and improvements.
if you help me to improve mine I'll help you to improve yours :)
promt:In an effort to understand your interests and aspirations for college, we ask you to select one of the three topics below and provide a response of up to 250 words. Please include your name and birth date at the top of the page.
Bowdoin students and alumni often cite world-class faculty and opportunities for intellectual engagement, the College's commitment to the Common Good, and the special quality of life on the coast of Maine as important aspects of the Bowdoin experience. Reflecting on your own interests and experiences, please comment on one of the following:
1. Intellectual engagement
2. The Common Good
3. Connection to place
1.
Intellectual engagement
On the last day of school during my sophomore year, our computer science teacher gave us a CD with Delphi (a computer program) and a handbook on it. We were supposed to work through the handbook to learn the basics of Delphi during the summer in preparation for our class test after the summer break. However, he forgot to put the handbook on it and we had to learn it by ourselves. Nobody knew how Delphi works, so we shared any progress we made in the understanding of this program. After two weeks of teaching each other, we were able to built small programs with Delphi, but we weren't sure if that was enough or if we had to know more. So we set up groups of fours to take a deeper look at the internals of the program. After the summer break we made our teacher aware of the fact that he forgot to put the handbook on it. Thus, he expected that we haven't done anything and that he had to start from scratch. However, he was surprised about our knowledge of Delphi and its internals. Through the given responsibility, the challenging work, collaboration and the true engagement by us, the students, we have learned that not the number of pages you have to study matters - only the way you learn matters.
if you help me to improve mine I'll help you to improve yours :)
promt:In an effort to understand your interests and aspirations for college, we ask you to select one of the three topics below and provide a response of up to 250 words. Please include your name and birth date at the top of the page.
Bowdoin students and alumni often cite world-class faculty and opportunities for intellectual engagement, the College's commitment to the Common Good, and the special quality of life on the coast of Maine as important aspects of the Bowdoin experience. Reflecting on your own interests and experiences, please comment on one of the following:
1. Intellectual engagement
2. The Common Good
3. Connection to place
1.
Intellectual engagement
On the last day of school during my sophomore year, our computer science teacher gave us a CD with Delphi (a computer program) and a handbook on it. We were supposed to work through the handbook to learn the basics of Delphi during the summer in preparation for our class test after the summer break. However, he forgot to put the handbook on it and we had to learn it by ourselves. Nobody knew how Delphi works, so we shared any progress we made in the understanding of this program. After two weeks of teaching each other, we were able to built small programs with Delphi, but we weren't sure if that was enough or if we had to know more. So we set up groups of fours to take a deeper look at the internals of the program. After the summer break we made our teacher aware of the fact that he forgot to put the handbook on it. Thus, he expected that we haven't done anything and that he had to start from scratch. However, he was surprised about our knowledge of Delphi and its internals. Through the given responsibility, the challenging work, collaboration and the true engagement by us, the students, we have learned that not the number of pages you have to study matters - only the way you learn matters.
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