I've already submitted since the deadline has passed, and I originally thought my essay was good. However, I now have the feeling that it is incredibly generic and boring, and I am looking for some feedback. Please be honest! I am a well-qualified student overall so I won't be rejected just because of this. Therefore I want some genuine opinions. Here it is:
Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Family, background, and environment are all among numerous variables that factor into one's upbringing, and that shape them into the person who he or she is. As far as my environment is concerned, I have been extremely fortunate to have grown up living a very comfortable life. My family is financially secure, and we never have to be concerned about where our next meal is coming from. My immediate family is also unified: we all love one another, and we are mostly free of friction and strife.
In this privileged environment, it is undoubtedly my parents who have influenced me the most in my life. My mother is a bright and hard-working physician. While she works long hours, Mom is always able to find time to spend with and talk to me. She is kind and compassionate, and someone who I feel that I can always look to for comfort and guidance.
My father is very intelligent and driven. He had a successful career as a lawyer and is now a federal judge. A perfect fit to his profession, Dad is stern and passionate in his beliefs. His personality makes him a towering and imposing figure, and he is immensely respected by me and everyone who knows him.
I love both my parents very much, and they have had an enormous influence in shaping my personality and who I am. Mom and Dad have always pushed me very hard to be successful in everything I pursue, especially school. When I was in elementary school and would bring home a bad grade on a test or progress report, I remember my parents would be furious. They would "ground" me, prohibiting me from playing video games or using the computer for a set period of time as punishment for my wrong-doing, and as an incentive to improve my schoolwork. While their actions were well-intentioned and would usually procure the result they desired, they were certainly missing the mark in what they believed was incentivizing me to improve. It was not nearly as much the punishment as their disappointment that stung. I felt that I had let them down and failed them. From this young age, what I have always striven to do is to make my parents proud.
My parents' constant pushing for my success has made me resolute, driven, determined, and, almost paradoxically, very independent in almost everything I pursue. They no longer need to devote their efforts to keeping me on track: I have now fully acknowledged the hard work that will be required to achieve my lofty goals. I do not want the status of my life to be labeled as simply "satisfactory". I do not want to settle for mediocrity, and I do not want to merely "blend in". I want to reach great heights, and I want the respect and approval of my future peers. I could probably be called ambitious, and I've never considered the term negative: If one reaches as high as they can and never forgets their compassion and integrity, then their ambition can only change the world for the better.
To me, all that I have described encompasses a desire for success. I define success as a complete realization of one's potential. My potential has been forged by my having a very fortunate upbringing and coming from intellectually driven parents who love me, as well as push and support me in everything that I pursue.
I want to make them proud.
I feel a bit silly about it because I have recently read about some Asian (I am Hispanic) parents who push their children 1000x harder than my parents... I feel this essay is not only generic, but silly in that the issues I am describing are nothing compared to what many applicants face. Please be harsh if necessary, and thank you very much for any feedback provided!
Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
Family, background, and environment are all among numerous variables that factor into one's upbringing, and that shape them into the person who he or she is. As far as my environment is concerned, I have been extremely fortunate to have grown up living a very comfortable life. My family is financially secure, and we never have to be concerned about where our next meal is coming from. My immediate family is also unified: we all love one another, and we are mostly free of friction and strife.
In this privileged environment, it is undoubtedly my parents who have influenced me the most in my life. My mother is a bright and hard-working physician. While she works long hours, Mom is always able to find time to spend with and talk to me. She is kind and compassionate, and someone who I feel that I can always look to for comfort and guidance.
My father is very intelligent and driven. He had a successful career as a lawyer and is now a federal judge. A perfect fit to his profession, Dad is stern and passionate in his beliefs. His personality makes him a towering and imposing figure, and he is immensely respected by me and everyone who knows him.
I love both my parents very much, and they have had an enormous influence in shaping my personality and who I am. Mom and Dad have always pushed me very hard to be successful in everything I pursue, especially school. When I was in elementary school and would bring home a bad grade on a test or progress report, I remember my parents would be furious. They would "ground" me, prohibiting me from playing video games or using the computer for a set period of time as punishment for my wrong-doing, and as an incentive to improve my schoolwork. While their actions were well-intentioned and would usually procure the result they desired, they were certainly missing the mark in what they believed was incentivizing me to improve. It was not nearly as much the punishment as their disappointment that stung. I felt that I had let them down and failed them. From this young age, what I have always striven to do is to make my parents proud.
My parents' constant pushing for my success has made me resolute, driven, determined, and, almost paradoxically, very independent in almost everything I pursue. They no longer need to devote their efforts to keeping me on track: I have now fully acknowledged the hard work that will be required to achieve my lofty goals. I do not want the status of my life to be labeled as simply "satisfactory". I do not want to settle for mediocrity, and I do not want to merely "blend in". I want to reach great heights, and I want the respect and approval of my future peers. I could probably be called ambitious, and I've never considered the term negative: If one reaches as high as they can and never forgets their compassion and integrity, then their ambition can only change the world for the better.
To me, all that I have described encompasses a desire for success. I define success as a complete realization of one's potential. My potential has been forged by my having a very fortunate upbringing and coming from intellectually driven parents who love me, as well as push and support me in everything that I pursue.
I want to make them proud.
I feel a bit silly about it because I have recently read about some Asian (I am Hispanic) parents who push their children 1000x harder than my parents... I feel this essay is not only generic, but silly in that the issues I am describing are nothing compared to what many applicants face. Please be harsh if necessary, and thank you very much for any feedback provided!