"Interested in Applied Math and people" - Why Brown

Brown is my dream school, I really want to make my why Brown special, so I wrote a poem. I know it's very risky, and here is my poem.

Dear Brown,
I did research on many top universities:
Columbia is located in the glamorous NYC;
Chicago offers rigorous core courses;
MIT has many competitive USAMO winners.
But,
I choose Brown.
Providence, though not as cosmopolitan as NYC, has its own condensed beauty.
I want to be in an idealistic and unique city atmosphere; I want to feel the beauty of nature.
Brown, though it does not have as many core courses as Chicago, prepares students for their future.
Forced to learn things simply for exams in China, I want the freedom to choose my classes and enthusiastically pursue my interests. I want to enjoy my education.

Brown, though it may not have as many USAMO winners as MIT, has collaborative and passionate students.
Having lived in a cutthroat environment, I want to sit with talented people, exchange ideas and get inspired.
I choose Brown.
Interested in Applied Math, I want to have the interaction of people with varied scientific interest provided by Brown's separate Applied Math department.
I choose Brown.
---a Brown applicant

Although I liked the poem, I don't think you should send it. Firstly, the second half of it (when it gets long) stops looking an sounding like a poem. Also and more importantly, you're not doing yourself any favors when you insult the school by comparing it to others. I know it's not intentional and you use that to in turn compliment it, however, no school wants to hear its more negative points from an applicant. I'm really sorry, I can tell that you did put work into this but I think it's too risky. Maybe if you edit it? You should focus more on the school itself than its competitors. I'm sorry that it's a bit of harsh criticism.

check out mine if you could?

This is not a good idea. You will be better off writing an essay. If you're going to take a risk and write a poem, then you need the poem to be stellar. This one is not that great. To be honest, I don't really see it as a poem either.

Another thing is that you shouldn't talk about other schools when they ask you to tell them why you chose them. You really shouldn't talk about things that make other schools better than Brown. I find that when you take the comparisons out of the "poem", you don't really have any concrete reasons as to why you chose Brown. This is not a good thing because you managed to not write an essay and not answer the prompt.

I see that you are trying to stand out, but this will not make you stand out in a good way.

Good luck!

Read mine ??

that's the point I'm kinda worried about too. thx for the comments =)