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international development - UC Prompt#1 Intended major?



sonng 1 / 1  
Nov 26, 2013   #1
What is your intended major? Discuss how your interest in the subject developed and describe any experience you have had in the field - such as volunteer work, internships and employment, participation in student organizations and activities - and what you have gained from your involvement.

My intended major is international development. My choice of major have been influenced by living as an immigrant in Saudi Arabia and the United States. I was born in Saudi Arabia and lived there until I was almost six years old. I immigrated to the United States in the early 90's and coming to the United States opened a more passionate love for languages and different cultures. As a poor immigrant I understood many of the hardships of the immigrants living in Los Angeles and as a teenager I always wanted to learn and read into, especially, the political and economic environments that compel people to immigrate.

Even though I was born in Saudi Arabia, I grew up with a South Korean citizenship and I was raised with a strong sense of my culture. In Saudi Arabia, I lived among people backgrounds similar to mine; who came from various countries such as the Philippines, India, Yemen, etc. When I immigrated to Los Angeles, I lived within various cultures and languages and this made me more fascinated about the world outside. I learned Spanish and studied my first language Korean to strengthen my language skills and I have always read Times magazines, National geographic and other literature like the Foreign Service journals (when I could afford it) since I was in high school. Literature like that has greatly enlivened my passion for the study of International development and relations. I have worked for my living since I graduated high school and unfortunately I had not the opportunity to volunteer for any activities or organizations but I have always stayed on top on political change of other countries. The Arab Spring, corruption and abuses of freedom of speech in China and to the issues of displaced Afghans, torn away from their homes because of the war between the U.S. and the Taliban; all these have greatly furthered my interests in International development and relations. With more study and opportunities offered in a university, I firmly believe I can attain skills and knowledge in developing strategies that define expectations, strengthen incentives for reform, and monitor progress. I'm looking forward to furthering my education at your universities' international development program because it will help me learn to make a change.

Please help with grammar mistakes. :3 thank you.Any kind of feedback is appreciated.

suziwar 2 / 6  
Nov 26, 2013   #2
Hi! I'm not the best with grammar but I would say I'm good at knowing a good story( I love to read as well!)

I like the content of everything you put in your essay. I feel that you explained why and how you became interested in international development. I would say that maybe you should have a more engaging hook at the beginning. I do appreciate that you went straight to the point but a little story would be nice. Maybe an anecdote about your first day in America or perhaps you explain your background and that could then lead into your intended major.

I loved the content and I don't think you should take anything out.

Here are a few errors though.

'm looking forward to furthering my education at your universities' international development program because it will help me learn to make a change.

Should be university's

I learned Spanish and studied my first language Korean to strengthen my language skills and I have always read Times magazines, National geographic and other literature like the Foreign Service journals (when I could afford it) since I was in high school

Try to break this into smaller sentences because it is a run on.

I have worked for my living since I graduated high school and unfortunately I had not the opportunity to volunteer for any activities or organizations but I have always stayed on top on political change of other countries

Perhaps try: I have maintained a job since high school and have not had opportunities to volunteer for any activities or organizations. However, I have always stayed on top of political changes in other countries and religiously watch world news.

Good Luck! I wish you the best!!
OP sonng 1 / 1  
Nov 26, 2013   #3
Thank you so much!!! ^__^ That helped so much!


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