Im trying to apply at the Ai-Miami International University of Art and Design.
The prompt is "why should you be admitted to the program of your choice at MIU?" and "How do you expect your education at MIU to help attain you career goal?"
It has to be 150 words, but I have 333.
I was wondering if the essay is good so far, do I need to make it shorter, do I need to add more detail in some areas? I need help!!!
For a long time, I have wanted to become a part of the world of fashion, the world where fascinating people unite and express themselves with a unique sense of style. Yet, I never knew what aspect of the industry I wanted to engage in. It was not until the beginning of my senior year that I found my answer. For one of my classes, we were assigned on a research project for a career of our choice. Without a doubt, I chose to stick with my interest in fashion, but I wanted to pick an unfamiliar career and learn more about it. That is when I discovered fashion buying.
It was as if that career had been laid out just for me. The description fit my exact hobbies and lifestyle. On my spare time, I love to sew, cut, and tailor clothing from my closet and/or fabric I purchase. I adore studying new and upcoming trends and incorporating them into my wardrobe. I also enjoy shopping for unique or unappealing clothing/material, then reconstructing it into something new. I am very organized, excellent at budgeting/planning, and know how to deal with stress and deadlines, just to name a few. I want to put my talents and skills into good use and get into the Fashion merchandising Bachelors of Arts Program at Ai-Miami International University of Art and Design.
I believe I should be admitted to the program because I am passionate about my interest and envision myself becoming a successful fashion buyer for a chic and trendy store such as Forever21, H&M, etc. With the experience and knowledge, I will also be able to own my own business and/or boutique in the future. The program demonstrates that it has the courses I need to excel to obtain my career goal, such as Retail marketing, Sales Promotion, Visual Merchandising, Consumer behavior, etc. I believe Ai-Miami will provide me with the tools I need in order to fulfill all my aspirations and goals as well as offer opportunities I was never aware of within the industry.
Fashion has been a fascinating world that I have always wanted to be a part of - apart means to be aside, separately; but I never knew what aspect of the industry I wanted to engage in.
On my spare time, I incorporate the trends into my wardrobe by sewing, cutting, tailoring, or re-creating clothing from my closet and/or fabric I purchase.
The program demonstrates that it has the courses I need to excel and has everythingI need in orde r to obtain my career goal, such as Retail marketing, Sales Promotion, Visual Merchandising, Consumer behavior, etc.
I will be able to become a fashion buyer for a chic and trendy store such as Forever21, H&M, etc, and own my own business and/or boutique in the future
I feelbelieve Ai-Miami will provide me with the tools I need in order to fulfill all my aspirations and goals as well as offer opportunities I was never aware of within the industry.
Thank you so much!
Do you think I need to shroten the length, or is the essay just fine?
Hi, Cookie.
I think, it's Ok, but if there is a strict requirement regarding the length of the essay, you may consider eliminating some phrases or paraphrasing sentences to make them shorter.
ok thank you!
yeah i definitly think you need tomake it shorter colleges don'tlike to see you go over the limit
ok thank you =D
Do they want a minimum of 150 words or a maximum of 150 words? Or do they just want it to be approximately 150 words. They should be clear so that they don't cause you to worry!
:-)
I have wanted for a long time to become a part of the world of fashion. People call it a "world," because... Yet, I never knew what aspect of the industry I wanted to engage. It was not until the beginning of...
I am afraid this may sound too typical of all teenagers: I love to go shopping ...
...and enjoy trend spotting. --- this is better.
I have been reading about the art of 'pattern recognition,' and (google about pattern recognition and see if it interests you. It is about more than just fashion.
I believe I should be admitted to the program because I am passionate about my interest and willing to do whatever it takes to make sure I accomplish my goal. --- okay, but you should explain some more about the details of your plan. It will be better if you give the reader a clear mental picture of what you envision yourself doing a few years from now.
The program demonstrates that they have the courses I need to excel and has everything I need in order to obtain my career goal, such as Retail marketing, Sales Promotion, Visual Merchandising, Consumer behavior, etc. .. okay, very good. This is good detail. It's all about adding detail and making the reader believe in your vision. Nice job! It's already excellent. I hope my ideas help.
I have to write a well composed essay of at least 150 words...
So i guess Im fine with the length.
Thank you so much Kevin for your help!
The opening sentence needs to "set the tone." How does this read/feel to you?
For a long time,I have always dreamed of becomingwanted to become a part of the world of fashion, thea world where fascinating people unite and express themselves with a unique sense of style. Yet, I never knew what aspect of the industry I wanted to engage in. It was not until the beginning of my senior year that I found my answer. For one of my classes, we werewhen I was assigned on a research project for a career of ourmy choice.
Cool, Linmark! Good call. In fact, it might be good to simplify even more and say this powerfully:
I want to become a part of the world of fashion, the world where fascinating people unite and ...
It was as if that career had been laid out just for me. The description fit my exact hobbies and lifestyle . --- I don 't like this part...
In my spare time, I love to sew, cut, and tailor clothing from my closet and/or fabric I purchase.
It was as if the writer of the story of my life had intended all along that I enter this industry, which is so perfectly aligned with my interests. In my spare time, I love to sew, cut, and tailor clothing from my closet and/or fabric I purchase.
Also, it is almost always better not to write "I believe."
I believe I should be admitted to the program because I am...
:-)
Linmark and EF Kevin Thank you so much for all your help! =D
