i will like to know if this script is ok and really answers the prompt. please there is anything to make it more catchy feel free to edit it for me thank you
The irrevocable statement of John Hersey "success starts with a failure" is locomotion of achievers. Just as success is not a destination but a journey, even great men of classical history such as Winston Churchill had early failures, probably just like me he did not like mathematics and will go in for an easy to get opportunity.
Lao Tzu's statement that "a journey of thousand miles begin with a step "is very true, if one is able to take the step of failure in learning trip then one is bound to climb the ladder of academic success. Coming to think of myself at age 7 just as I began high school. Everyone was speaking English which was like Greek to me. I could not express myself; the situation was like that of the historic people of the tower of barbell where language originated.
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Try it this way, and see if you like it. I took out one sentence that did not make sense:
"Even a journey can never start with a first step."
See if you like it this way:
Just as I began high school, everyone was speaking English, which was like Greek to me. I could not express myself; the situation was like that of the historic people of the tower of barbell where language originated. Not only that, the word "Ma" always scared me, coming to think of the full word Math. The study of math was really a daunting task for me. Algebra and Geometry were torns in my flesh. I was laughed and scorned by most of the teachers and students in my school. My name became the topic of the day and rumors like, where is he from? Why was he even admitted, was the rumors circulating in the school. I received several advices from peers and teachers to quit.
it is good. thank you. can u please help me with sentence structure and grammar please feel free to make the corrections i will appreciate it. Thank you.
Algebra and Geometry were like thorns in my flesh. I was laughedat and scorned by most of the teachers and students in my school.
"Why was he even admitted"? was circulating in the school. I received several bits of advice from peers and teachers to quit.
These disparaging statements did not bring me down, as I took them in good faith.
I therefore gathered the courage to study and clear all doubts starting from scratch.
I became one of the best students in the school. I also help them to win a grand prize in a debate competition, and this I am proud of.
Winston Churchill had early failures, and probably just like me, he did not like mathematics and would go in for an easy class to get opportunity.
...if one is able to take the step of failure in learning,then one is bound to climb the ladder of academic success.
Neva
I love the title, and Neva's corrections are very good. Do you know any other important sayings of Lao Tzu?
Engilish was greek to me.
Neva, thank you very much for your correction. Kevin, with Lao Tzu statements i do have important once which have shaped my life.
Pleas help me with the prompt. Does my essay answers the prompt, and is it catchy.Also help me with sentence structure and grammar thank you.
DISCUSS SOME ISSUE OF PERSONAL, LOCAL, INTERNATIONAL CONCERN AND ITS IMPORTANCE TO YOU.
Marcus Garvey once said "People without the knowledge of their history, origin, and culture are like a tree without root." The history, culture, and origin of my country have had a tremendous impact on my life.
Ghana became the first democratic black African country to obtain independence in 1957. The determination exhibited by the men and women of my country as they struggled to attain independence has inculcated the spirit of endurance, determination, patriotism and perseverance in me.
Just as I began high school, everyone was speaking English, which was like Greek to me. I could not express myself; the situation was like that of the historic people of the tower of barbell where language originated. Not only that, the word "Ma" always scared me, coming to think of the full word Math. The study of math was really a daunting task for me. Algebra and Geometry were like thorns in my flesh. I was laughed at and scorned by most of the teachers and students in my school. My name became the topic of the day and rumors like, "where is he from?" "Why was he even admitted?" was circulating in the school. I received several bits of advices from peers and teachers to quit.
These disparaging statements did not bring me down as I took them in good faith. My situation was like Job in the bible who faced trauma and was asked to curse his God and die. Then I remembered a saying by one Myles Munro that, "The greatest tragedy in life, is not death, but a life that never realizes its potentials." I had to overcome this failure, but how? I then remembered Pierre Cornell's statement the greater the efforts the greater the glory. I then gathered the courage to face my situation squarely without leaving any stone unturned. Then I saw a glowing lamp of solution learn, learn, learn. But how, someone who cannot even bring up a simple sentence not even a common calculation. There and then I felt the spirit of determination, perseverance and endurance inculcated in me by my forefathers running through my veins. I therefore gathered the courage to study and clear all doubts starting from the scratch.
I became one of the best students in the school. I also help them to win a grand prize in a debate competition, and this I am proud of. Summing it up every endeavor has it initial failure, therefore the need for perseverance, endurance and determination which had always been my pillar is the key. John Hersey's statement, "success starts with a failure," is locomotion of achievers. Just as success is not a destination but a journey, even great men of classical history such as Winston Churchill had early failures, and probably just like me, he did not like mathematics and would go in for an easy class to get opportunity. Lao Tzu's statement that "a journey of thousand miles begins with a step" is very true, if one is able to take the step of failure in learning, then one is bound to climb the ladder of academic success.
Nanayaw, i'm a ghanaian too and i get where you coming from. I like the personal issue you are using, it enables you to site challenges you faced and the traits that you developed to stand through. Generally its a good piece. My only worry was on your examples and fact. You came at them at awkward angles. In the 3rd paragraph, you talk about Job but you dont really let us feel the connection. Then you move on to Myles saying but you didnt elaborate it much to show the connection. Cornell's statement wasnt much different, i didnt feel the connection.
Also with your introduction, it is a good saying and perhaps you can link it smoothly to the body of the essay. Your introduction now doesnt really introduce the essay, it just introduces the next paragraph. All in all, i think this is a good piece so try and check my suggestions.
Hey Nanayaw, I have some suggestions for you
1. It's the tower of Babel not Barbell
2. This is what really worries me. You said you received advice from peers and teachers to quit. To quit what? School! If it's really true go ahead but if it's not please change it. I can see right through that statement that its a lie. I don't really think a teacher would ask you to quit school. At least say "one of your friends jokingly said" or something like that. If I can see right through, any admissions officer will also be able to see right through it.
Ammonia thanks a lot blood. i have noticed it i will do just that to kill the essay. Did you go to cupa for classes. you really write like a cupa student.
Yeah nanayaw I went for CUPA classes and Ekow was of great help. I am Justice by the way. Hope you do kill the essay man.
nan the essay asks about an issue so why dont u talk about either the history, culture or origin havin an impact on you...and they say discuss an issue so elaborate on the independence struggle stuff....
why not start the second paragraph with the tower of babel and delete the starting high school stuff. try sumfin like
the famed happenings in the tower of babel...thats how class was to me in the begining months of high school.but in my case i was the only lost soul...english sounded like gibberish to me.like a two yr old talking and mentioning only a few reconizable words....
then the part about the math...delete that. doesnt blend with the essay...
try sumfin like not only was i burdened with tryin to become english literate, i was crowned with a crown of thorns of math problems...