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IVEY (Business school supplementary essay) It needs to be shortened roughly 100 words!


NOTTHESTEVEN 1 / 2  
Jan 2, 2019   #1
Consider all the extracurricular activities (community involvement, paid and/or volunteer work experience, entrepreneurial ventures) that you have been involved in during the past four years. Select three activities that you feel demonstrate your leadership abilities best. Focus your description on elements that demonstrate: teamwork, initiative, achievement, commitment and breadth.

(THE FORMER IS THE PROMPT)

I am a recognized tutor and leader



Having always had a passion for developing comprehension while having developed my own comprehension of this concept. As a result, I am a recognized tutor and leader within my school community and those surrounding. I have been able to use my experiences during tutoring to develop and apply analytical skills, introduce experiential learning, manage complex concepts, set and achieve goals as well as develop an understanding for commitment for my peers.

At the start of my tutoring experience I pledged to commit to the requirements of a peers need over my own. With this commitment, my current schedule had to accommodate to my current peers demand. With the uncertainty of dates peers required help I was required to manage my current objectives and the possibility of new demands to successfully fulfill this commitment. While tutoring, I was able to drastically develop peers analytical skills. Additionally, I helped them perceive the importance of analytical skills in any career path by using their own experiences. I was able to develop their analytical skills by practicing word problems that applied to real life applications while providing the same analytical skills taught to help diagnose a problem when they would arise. Within weeks, my peers were able to demonstrate success of their newfound analytical skills when I introduced them to experiential learning. I would lead my peers into other group tutoring sessions that were organized by me to have them analyze their applications while helping others.

While also teaching some peers skills mentioned in the former, I was able to have the experience of working directly as a computer science tutor. Both, in class and during pre-arranged tutoring sessions, I was able to apply similar methods of applied thinking to simplify complex concepts. Having introduced myself with two-dimensional arrays, I was able to use this opportunity to manage this seemingly complex topic by using comparative analysis and the prior experience that a peer had, to produce connections that supported their own decisions when writing their programs. I was able to help peers create not only their assigned work, but the ability to manage these complex topics from occurrences similar to this.

A final contribution I have made is create an understanding of commitment for my peers. Having had many deterrents in my life I was able to speak from experience on the importance of commitment. I was able to demonstrate that commitment will produce results when applied in both school and outside struggles. This was done by persuasively communicating the long-term benefits that were not commonly conceived from an initial understanding.The impact of this conceptual understanding became apparent when I was approached by an ESL student who required assistance in his english course. I was able to implement an understanding that he-himself has accredited to his success in both his english studies and his personal conflicts as a foreigner.

The leadership and commitment that I have demonstrated over several years has allowed me to demonstrate to myself that I can successfully apply these skills by dedicating myself in benefiting others and subsequently, myself. As a tutor I recognized this ability by demonstrating what the definition of an ivey student is through the action I have taken in peers struggles and the development of essential foundation for themselves to further their success, all while managing and developing an understanding of the need to act upon a peers. I am excited to be given an opportunity to further my contributions and the development of my own skills while completing my HBA degree.

Holt - / 7,530 2001  
Jan 4, 2019   #2
The first sentence of the essay is incomplete. It lacks a proper subject with which to introduce the topic to the reader. You must revise that to create a better idea of what the discussion will be about. Throughout the essay, you have only showcased your ability to teach others and a commitment to do so. Now, while the essay shows a breadth of learning, expertise, and desire to teach others on your part, there is very little to no reference to initiative and teamwork in the essay. This could have been accidentally omitted due to your lack of fluency in the English language, or you accidentally left these sections out of the essay because you became too focused on the areas that are your strong suit. You were actually supposed to use 3 different activities to represent the required character traits, but your essay focuses only on teaching and tutoring, which are the same thing in meaning and scope. So you have to pick 2 other activities that are not teaching related to better address all of the prompt requirements.


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