'I joined Karate' Common App Bio Essay 1

guys this is my first attempt and i have no idea if this is even according to the format so please help me out and tell me how i should change and if my essay is on the right track or if i should think of a different idea and also if my idea is too cliched and unoriginal or something?

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you

Karate Papers

When I joined Karate in 2006 I had never even dreamt of going to participate in National Games in Quetta. I had always been a reserved and cautious person, always thinking twice before doing anything. My purpose of joining Karate was to achieve something, to make myself better and more confident. Slowly and steadily I had been working towards my goal but National Games was a huge leap.

It had only been my second year and I was only a pink belt but I worked hard day and night dreaming of the National Games. My instructor had presented a perfect imagine of how we would go in an air conditioned train how we would stay in hotels and get paid by the Punjab government every day. It all sounded so glamorous and that too for a twelve year old girl. Karate wasn't exactly a safe game, the thought of competing with older and more experienced people frightened me. Soon I was to realize that the people and competition wouldn't be my biggest concern. All my hopes came crashing down when I saw the poorly maintained non air conditioned public train which I was to aboard for the next eighteen hours and that too all alone. All the other athletes were so much older and looked completely ready and focused. The next bombshell was our so called "Hotel" which was actually a public school's room with about twenty mattresses. At that moment all I wanted to do was run back home and forget this entire horrific experience. Towards the second day I started talking to people from different cities. These were people who needed the money more than the experience. Training was vigorous and brutal but I had come so far already, I couldn't give up. The feeling of pride at the opening ceremony of representing my province at a National event cannot be described in words. The competition days started and I tried my best but got eliminated in the second round. Those people had years of experience whereas I only had two years.

In a country like Pakistan girls don't get so many opportunities. The people I was with were mostly poor and had taken these sports up as a career because they needed money. If my mother had known that I would have to live in such conditions she would have never sent me and honestly I would've never gone myself. It is only after having experienced it all I realized how life changing it was. To overcome my fears and to not give up was an achievement in itself. Talking to people, standing up and taking care of myself all on my own were all new to me. It was also the first time I had travelled somewhere alone without my parents that too on a train. There were a lot of "firsts" on this trip, a lot of firsts I never thought I would do. It made me realize all the chances I had missed out on all because I was scared to try. In the end I realized the challenge hadn't been to fight but to overcome all these other problems and that too all on my own. That feeling of accomplishment was enough to make me feel like a winner.

this is another essay i wrote im thinking of writing this instead of the other one. Its the same topic. Please suggest which one is better.

It was a normal day until the moment the loud sound pierced through our ears and struck fear in our hearts. My instinctive reaction was to get up and run as far away from it as I could and I did. Everyone who had been sitting with me also jumped to their feet and ran to the safety of the field like the rest of the school except Aisha. Shell-shocked she sat there still in a stupor. She had always been the sensitive type and the fear on her face was evident. Adrenaline pumped through my veins as I rushed back grabbed my best friend's hand and she shakingly stood to her feet. Pulling her behind me we hurried to the field where the rest of the school had already gathered.

Anxiety and fear hung heavy in the air. It took me a while to put all the pieces of the last five minutes of my life together. Me and my usual group of friends had been enjoying our break, sitting near the canteen our backs towards the wall. When out of nowhere the sound had been heard and with it the wall had shook violently as if it were to collapse. I shuddered at that thought of imagining myself under the wall. No-one really knew what had happened. The teachers were frantically on their phones desperate for any information, fearing for everyone's security and safety. We were in the field so there was no roof above us incase another catastrophe was to follow. We noticed a prominent ring of smoke in the air unable to determine where it was coming from. Fear invaded our hearts further as realization struck us that there had been a bomb blast and judging by the impact it had been very close by. Girls began to cry including some of my friends. Despite the fear and sorrow in my heart I did not cry. Instead surprising myself I tried my best to comfort them reminding them how we were safe, for now. I tried to distract them with light hearted conversation and it worked to some extent.

We were sent home as soon as it was safe enough. There had been a bomb blast at a five minute walk from our school. The intensity had been so great that it felt our souls had jumped out of our skins and come back! Relief washed over me as I embraced my mother, at the same time thinking about those people who had just recently died and would never be able to hug their families again. That afternoon I got a call from a few friends including Aisha thanking me for being there for them. I had always thought that if God forbid ever thrown into such a situation I would absolutely faint. Instead I had made myself strong for me as well as for my friends. I had not let my feelings overwhelm my judgment and my ability to protect myself and those around me. I realized I was stronger than I had ever thought. Everyone gets afraid and it had been my fears that had stopped me from achieving many things in life. I realized then that once I was thrown into a situation I would do my best to come out a winner. It was this assurance and this confidence that later helped and still helps me to overcome my fears and go after my goals.