'keep going to school and become a teacher' - Supplemental

I need to do an essay to get accepted in an university I'm applying for. I would really appreciate your comments and corrections. I'm trying to do it the best I can to ensure my acceptance in this school. thank you so much!

topic question: DESCRIBE AN EXPERIENCE THAT HAS IMPACTED YOUR EDUCATIONAL GOALS, AND HOW THE COLLEGE AT OLD WESTBURY CAN HELP YOU ACCOMPLISH THEM.

Coming from a country where lacks of finance and education opportunities has inspired me to keep going to school and become a teacher. I have always wanted to be a teacher, but I really wasn't too motivated to struggle with work and school.

I came to this country around 11 years ago, and at the beginning I didn't really appreciated what United States had to offer me. I missed my family, friends and the connection you make with your neighbors that is almost impossible to make in here. After seven years of thinking there was no place like home, I went back to Peru. I was already long ago done with High School and working full time as a Lab Assistant. Only there and then I could see what the situation there really was: lacking of teachers all over the country and kids all over the place without going to school and some of them not even knowing how to read or write at age 12. This was really depressing for me but what depressed me the most was to see my own family lacking of education and not having a chance to change their way of living. One night after analyzing what I have experienced there I asked myself, why if I have the opportunity to become professional and change my life and family's situation I'm not taking advantage of it? When I came back to United States after those days of awakening, I realized not only that I wanted more than ever to go back to school, but to major in Education. I decided to work part time and go to school full time. I put my education in a priority place. Even though I had been struggling financially, my two years of perseverance have led me to where I am today, about to get my Associates Diploma.

I still need to work on responding how old westbury college can help me accomplish them. If you have any suggestion how to write this part of the essay please don't hesitate to post it!! :)

Ok. This essay is actually pretty good!

Here are my edits to that mass in the middle

"After seven years of thinking there was no place like home, I went back to Peru."
- I think its more of the fact that you didn't like the culture that America presented you and because of your comfort back home, you left.

"Only there and then I could see what the situation there really was: lacking of teachers all over the country and kids all over the place without going to school and some of them not even knowing how to read or write at age 12."

- When you got there, you saw the disadvantages your country had in contrast to US.
- "Shortage of teachers"maybe?
- why don't kids go to school?
- rephrase that whole sentence

"This was really depressing for me but what depressed me the most was to see my own family lacking of education and not having a chance to change their way of living."

- I thought this was a good sentence, you acknowledged that not only you were sensitive towards the community but also your family. The people that cared for you should at least have the privilege to learn.

- maybe:The society's educational dysfunction made me see that not everyone had the opportunity to be educated as I did. Even my family, who __________, does not have a chance to change their path in life because they had fallen short of education.

Something like that.

Thank you very much. I think the last sentence you wrote sound much more professional, so I'll use that one. Btw, any suggestion and how to relate that to wanting to go to Old Westbury college? I keep thinking but nothing comes to my mind yet. Thanks again for your comment.

for the westbury part, you'd have to research into that college and find certain programs that it has that can help you reach that goal as a teacher.

just some general stuff, you should talk about the school's diversity and possibly the study abroad stuff. I don't know that much because i don't know the school.

This is the part where they test you on how much you know about them and what the opportunities they provide for their students. Good luck!!