"What makes Stanford a good place for you?"
Hi everyone!
I'm turning in my application tonight, so I need some advice/tips on what to add/delete/alter in any way. I'm struggling with this topic in particular. I'll appreciate any help I can get!
Thanks so much!
Here's the essay:
I have always wanted to be some type of scientist: when I was in elementary school, I wanted to be an astronaut, in middle school, a vet. But, upon entering high school, I didn't know, and still don't know, what I want(ed) to become. Math and science have always been, and will always be, my main interest, and because of Stanford's outstanding research facilities and distinguished professors, I feel that it would be the perfect place to discover my passion.
Not only does Stanford offer outstanding academics and unparalleled opportunities, but it also provides a music program in which I can continue my studies in cello to a personally satisfying degree. I will benefit greatly from the flexibility of the music department at Stanford because I am looking to improve my musical ability, not necessarily in a rigorous and competitive manner that most conservatories require.
Meh. A mediocre essay that could apply to just about any university if you just changed the name of the place you were applying to. What about Stanford makes you want to go there instead of to some other university with "outstanding research facilities and distinguished professors" and "a music program"? Answer that question, and you will have a much better essay.
Oh, and its "what I want(ed) to become"
Hi snow153,
I didn't know, and still don't know, what I want to become. Don't write this in. It's better to say that you are a jack in all trades rather than you don't know to be a master in which.
There are many ways to start your essay, try not to resort to I have always wanted
It's pretty good, but you need to give a more convincible reason.
Ugh, where's the confidence? Where's the faith? Where's the motivation? Where's the LOVE?!?!
Put all those in your essay, and then you'll have a GREAT one. Right now it sounds mundane, and perhaps a little boring.
I know its really discouraging to hear all this criticism, but in fact, the most successful people have failed the most times. So I try to be constructive when I criticize you, and remember, that you're applying to STANFORD. According to USColleges its #4 in the nation.
Just as you have to love yourself before you can love your girlfriend/wife. You have to be proud of yourself before you can be proud of Stanford!
I completely agree with Tsunami!
For one, just take out "type of" in the first line. It makes it sound weaker then just outright saying I have always wanted to be a scientist. I have heard that Stanford admires leadership, innovation, and creativity. You want to write something creative and perhaps mention an idea that you have that might develop into something great with "the help of Stanford's outstanding..." I think you get my point!