I know how to calculate complex equations mentally without lots of writing or no writing at all

The university of Toronto asked for a maximum of 3000 characters for the engineering application essay, and this is what I have come up with, I would really appreciate it if you helped me because you have no idea how much this means to me. Plus I can't think of any good ending for it.

This is what they wrote:
What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto?
What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?
And this is where I come in.

First of all, I would like to thank you for reading and evaluating my application to the University of Toronto. I humbly submit this essay as per your priority requirement. I believe that without proper education, I will not be able to achieve my dreams; therefore I want to be able to sustain myself and become more independent.

This opportunity means the world to me and I am willing to do my best. I am an ambitious and responsible high school student who wants to succeed in all aspects of life. I'm dreaming of owning a manufacture company and lead it to success, while being a role model for others to look up to. I want to be able to make wise decisions in my workplace, in spending money as well as managing my own life. With guidance of your university's professors and educational staff, I will be introduced to the higher level of education that will help me succeed in the world of engineering.

Ever since I was a child, I was fascinated with the worlds of mathematics and science and their applications in the real world. My father, a mechanical engineer, was one of the people who inspired me to continue in the two fields while taking me along with him in order to experience the world of engineering first hand. With that in hand, I dedicated my senior years into studying the sciences and mathematics with a future goal of applying to engineering at the University Of Toronto specifically. Considering that UofT is one of the best universities in Canada, my long life dream was just to visit Canada, and has evolved as I grew up into studying there. I've been to places here and there but from what I've heard, Toronto and the University of Toronto are the greatest.

What I see in myself is that I know how to calculate complex equations (not that complex) mentally without lots of writing or no writing at all. Good body coordination is very helpful once you realize how to make good use of it, now I'm a basketball player in my school's team. Although the team is not that good, I'm the one who is keeping it together as one.

dacool8

Ok, first off, do not thank the admissions committee for reading your essay. It's just not the proper thing to do in a college essay and it really sounds cheesy. Don't try to spice up your essay by thanking the committee or bragging about your certain qualities which do not pertain to the prompt. Instead, spice up your essay by staying on prompt and really writing an incredible, powerful essay.

So let's take a look: your essay prompt is What has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree and why would you like to study at the University of Toronto? What skills have you developed through your extra-curricular experiences that will support your future success as both a student and an engineer?

Ok, so first thing is first. Take a pencil and a piece of paper and make three columns: one column which will list what has inspired you to pursue an engineering degree, the other column which will list why you want to study at UT, and the third column which will list what skills you have developed through your activities and how that will help you succeed as a student and engineer.

Ok, so you made your list, now you want to pick about 2-3 points (it may vary depending on your word limit) from each column (the ones that are the best/strongest in your opinion) and elaborate the hell out of them. Make sure you use big vocabulary and make sure your sentence and grammar structure is correct. And also make sure that you don't go off topic. Remember, it's quality not quantity. Also make sure you don't repeat yourself. Trust me, you may think you aren't repeating yourself, but chances are that you are...Revise, revise, revise!

Also, for answering why you want to study at Univ of Toronto, avoid saying the obvious things: the location, the reputation, the weather, etc. Focus on more detailed things, such as diversity, clubs offered, class sizes, student body size, degrees offered etc. If you mention clubs, make sure you talk about how you would contribute to them. If you mention a specific area of study, make sure you don't just say "Oh, I love it so I want to study it." Make them believe that this specific area of study is your burning passion. Maybe talk about how this engineering passion was created and why you want to pursue so badly. It will make your essay a lot stronger.

Lastly, THIS IS AN ESSAY! NOT A CONVERSATION! DO NOT USE SLANG! Make sure you write professionally. They are judging you by how you write, so the better/ more professional the writing, the better you'll be.

Hope I helped!

It really has helped a lot, but I still can't find the proper ending to this thing! That has been bugging me all night!

This is very, very well-written. I don't think you should do an introduction like this, because it is "extra." It is redundant... a statement of the obivous. But you really did a good job with it.

Okay, I thought about it, and I like your writing style so much that I think you should keep the eloquent introduction. But at least get rid of these words:

First of all,

I would like to thank you for reading and evaluating my application to the University of Toronto. I humbly submit this essay as per your priority requirement. I believe that without proper education, I will not be able to achieve my dream of ____________ (Sum up your plan... what you are all about). s; therefore I want to be able to sustain myself and become more independent.

:-) I notice some excellent ideas from Hockey520... that is some of the best feedback I have seen today.

First of all, I would like to thank you for reading and evaluating my application to the University of Toronto. I humbly submit this essay as per your priority requirement. I believe that without proper education, I will not be able to achieve my dreams; therefore I want to be able to sustain myself and become more independent.

This opportunity means the world(<--- This sounds informal. Use a better word. ) to me and I am willing to do my best. I am an ambitious and responsible high school student who wants to succeed in all aspects of life. I'm (no contractions, it is a formal writing) dreaming of owning a manufacturing company and lead it to success, while being a role model for others to look up to. I want to be able to make wise decisions a higher level of education which would help me to succeed in the field of engineering.

Ever since I was a child, I was fascinated by the (use an adjective here) worlds of mathematics and science, and their applications in the real world. My father, a mechanical engineer, was one of the people who inspired me to continue in the two fields while taking me along with him in order to experience the world of engineering first hand. With that in hand, I dedicated my senior years into studying the sciences and mathematics with a future goal of applying to engineering at the University Of Toronto specifically. Considering that U of T is one of the best universities in Canada, my long life (change this) dream was just to visit Canada, and has evolved as I grew up into studying there. I have been to many places here (where?) and there but from what I've heard, Toronto and the University of Toronto are the greatest.and from what I have heard till now is that Toronto and U of T are the most praiseworthy (or of the same kind)

What I see in myself is that I can calculate complex equations mentally without a lot of writing or no writing at all. <----unnecessary though. Make good use of your word limit.

Good body coordination is very helpful once you realize how to make good use of it, now I'm a basketball player in my school's team. Although the team is not that good, I'm the one who is keeping it together as one.

<---Need more info/details and to be organized to convey your message to the reader. Need use of paragraphs for different topics discussed here. I can see your grammar and spellings are alright but you need to be able to structure your ideas and sentences, and also include details to make your writing complete, meaningful and flawless. :)

Take some more time on this and you'd be okay with it. :) I have also applied to U of T this year. Any idea when's the last date for submitting these essays? Is it April 30?

Thanks. Hope I could help! ;D

Yeah it is, and thanks for your help!