Hey Everyone,
I am working on my Common App Essay. I would appreciate constructive criticisms. Minor corrections are appreciated, but I am focusing on the larger picture. Does the essay flow smoothly, is it memorable, would you accept me to your college based on the essay? Thank you so much! :)
P.S. It's 499 words, so I can only add one more word.
Here's the topic: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
"America is the land of golden opportunities! We must ensure that you three have an excellent education and a bright future," my parents announced to me and my two brothers six years ago. We had just gotten home from the local mosque on a Friday afternoon and were having lunch. I was a typical eleven year old boy, who was ecstatic about the idea of leaving Bangladesh and going to America. I went to school the next day and spread the news to my classmates during recess. Five months later, we were boarding the airplane at Dhaka Zia International Airport. I had never imagined airplanes to be as enormous; I always thought they were perhaps the same size as they were in the night sky.
Forty-seven hours after boarding the plane, we arrived in Detroit, Michigan. As we stepped outside, the freezing gusts of wind made me tremble. Accustomed to the scorching weather of Bangladesh, I never thought this extent of freezing temperatures could exist outside of refrigerators. In the following days, I realized that similar to the weather differences between America and Bangladesh, everything else was different. I just had not decided if things were better or worse yet.
Within a week, we encountered the harsh reality that America offers to its immigrants. My parents sold our ancestral lands and personal possessions to afford the plane tickets. We stepped on the soil of this nation with practically nothing. No one in my family spoke English and we were overwhelmed adjusting to the American culture. However, my parents decided not to relinquish their dreams and instead considered the positive aspects of this new life. They asserted "Soon, you will start school, where you will learn the language. I know you will succeed in America. The opportunities are here, you just have to take advantage of them." Inspired by my parents' words, I aspired to be successful academically.
The beginning of my schooling in United States resembled a nightmare. My school offered no cultural diversity; I was the only one in my school of my race, religion, and skin color. My classmates constantly humiliated and intimidated me. Speaking only broken English, I managed to understand their hatred by their facial expressions. However, I comprehended that the intolerance of teenagers in a poverty-stricken neighborhood was not the accurate representation of the sentiment of American citizens. Their hatred and ignorance motivated me to strive for knowledge. My accent and other peoples' difficulties to understand what I was saying immensely encouraged me to improve my speaking skills. Within two years, my efforts and endeavors seemed successful. In ninth grade, I won the school-wide oratorical contest and was awarded for excellence in Language Arts.
The leading motivations for my achievements are the journey of eight thousand miles from my home to an unknown atmosphere and my parents' financial struggles as immigrants. After realizing my potential amidst the opportunities in America, I finally decided that the differences of America were better for my future endeavors.
I am working on my Common App Essay. I would appreciate constructive criticisms. Minor corrections are appreciated, but I am focusing on the larger picture. Does the essay flow smoothly, is it memorable, would you accept me to your college based on the essay? Thank you so much! :)
P.S. It's 499 words, so I can only add one more word.
Here's the topic: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
"America is the land of golden opportunities! We must ensure that you three have an excellent education and a bright future," my parents announced to me and my two brothers six years ago. We had just gotten home from the local mosque on a Friday afternoon and were having lunch. I was a typical eleven year old boy, who was ecstatic about the idea of leaving Bangladesh and going to America. I went to school the next day and spread the news to my classmates during recess. Five months later, we were boarding the airplane at Dhaka Zia International Airport. I had never imagined airplanes to be as enormous; I always thought they were perhaps the same size as they were in the night sky.
Forty-seven hours after boarding the plane, we arrived in Detroit, Michigan. As we stepped outside, the freezing gusts of wind made me tremble. Accustomed to the scorching weather of Bangladesh, I never thought this extent of freezing temperatures could exist outside of refrigerators. In the following days, I realized that similar to the weather differences between America and Bangladesh, everything else was different. I just had not decided if things were better or worse yet.
Within a week, we encountered the harsh reality that America offers to its immigrants. My parents sold our ancestral lands and personal possessions to afford the plane tickets. We stepped on the soil of this nation with practically nothing. No one in my family spoke English and we were overwhelmed adjusting to the American culture. However, my parents decided not to relinquish their dreams and instead considered the positive aspects of this new life. They asserted "Soon, you will start school, where you will learn the language. I know you will succeed in America. The opportunities are here, you just have to take advantage of them." Inspired by my parents' words, I aspired to be successful academically.
The beginning of my schooling in United States resembled a nightmare. My school offered no cultural diversity; I was the only one in my school of my race, religion, and skin color. My classmates constantly humiliated and intimidated me. Speaking only broken English, I managed to understand their hatred by their facial expressions. However, I comprehended that the intolerance of teenagers in a poverty-stricken neighborhood was not the accurate representation of the sentiment of American citizens. Their hatred and ignorance motivated me to strive for knowledge. My accent and other peoples' difficulties to understand what I was saying immensely encouraged me to improve my speaking skills. Within two years, my efforts and endeavors seemed successful. In ninth grade, I won the school-wide oratorical contest and was awarded for excellence in Language Arts.
The leading motivations for my achievements are the journey of eight thousand miles from my home to an unknown atmosphere and my parents' financial struggles as immigrants. After realizing my potential amidst the opportunities in America, I finally decided that the differences of America were better for my future endeavors.
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