Last winter, I participated in North American Invitational Model United Nation.

Explain how you responded to a significant challenge that you have encountered and what you learned

Last winter, I participated in North American Invitational Model United Nation. That was really the turning point of my life. This was my first time to compete with English speaker although I had participated in many Model United Nation games.

after edit

Last winter, I participated in North American Invitational Model United Nation. That was really the turning point of my life. It was my first time to compete with English speaker although I had participated in many Model United Nation games. I was really worried about this committee when the committee began because I could not understand what other delegates were talking in the first section. After first section in the morning, I felt depressed and pessimistic for I thought that all my efforts were actually useless. I had watched hundreds of videos of delegates' speech in United Nations in order to be familiar with academic words. At that noon, I nearly wanted to give up and cut off all connections with MUN but I didn't want to be a coward so I stuck to it and gave a speech with all my passion and feeling while miracle happened; everyone clapped their hands for me. I was shocked and I continued to devote myself in committee with passion. On the second day, I found I could understand for I had already adapted the styles of these native speakers. After that, I realized that even if the thing was seemingly impossible, one should keep working on it and never give up.

As I read your essay, I could not help but wonder if you are responding through a limited word count. The response is really quite ill developed and seems to be all over the place. You are trying to discuss so many topics in a single paragraph, leaving all of your thoughts barely explained, thus leaving the reader confused and wondering as to what went on during that time. You need to better explain to us why you thought that your efforts would be futile. What is the reasoning behind that defeatist attitude? Surely it could not just be about the lack of English language skills. You say that you prepared for a month prior to the event, why do you feel that your prep time was not enough? What was the most significant challenge that you feel you faced during that time? Choose the most difficult situation you faced and then build your essay around the challenges you faced with regards to that event and thoroughly explain how you overcame the problem.

The essay also suffers from a number of grammatical and sentence structure errors. I feel that I should not advise you regarding correcting those mistakes at this point because the essay still needs to be revised in terms of content. Which means the words and sentence structure is bound to change as well, which will either add to or lessen the number of mistakes currently existing in the essay. Don't worry about the word count or errors at the moment, we can fix both problems when you have the final content of the essay down pat. At this point, just throw yourself into revising the essay content. I will be here to guide you through the process :-)

Thanks so much!!!!

There is a lot of room to write a great essay given your circumstances. You have started a well supported essay but I believe that you should provide more details as to your limitations and how you were able to defeat them.

There are grammatical errors but I know that you will correct them.
Other than that, good work; God bless!

(maximum 200 words) because of this requirement, I cannot write more.

Thanks!

There is still room to improve the essay and make it more concise. I believe I was able to develop a template for you to follow at 181 words so that the essay can improve. Please refer to it below:

I consider my participation on the North American Invitational Model United Nation last year as an important turning point in my life. Through my participation in this activity, I learned the importance of self confidence in the face of adversity. I had a difficult time participating in the first section of the events because of my unfamiliarity with the English language. Even though I was worried about my performance, I realized that I had prepared as best as I could for the event and I needed to rely on my self-assurance that I could pull off the demands of the event. I had viewed as many Youtube videos as I couldand researched th country I was representing in preparation for the MUN si knew that I could pretty much deliver the speech that I intended to deliver. to my amazement, my speech was well applauded and received by the audence. By the second day, I had already adapted quite well to the situation on the committee level and was able to work on the needs of the MUN with more confidence.

Feel free to use this template in its full form if you wish to :-)